How Long Till Life Coaching Changes My Life?

The first time a client asked me, “So, how long will it take till my life is changed by coaching?” I laughed. I imagined myself in an old-movie green eyeshade, plotting charts and graphs, then saying, “Hmm. 17.5 weeks.” And the client nodding, waiting for life to change 17.5 weeks in the future.

The Goal of Coaching is To ‘Graduate’
Now I realize it’s a good question. One that every coach needs to keep in mind, and every client has a right to ask. The purpose of my coaching practice is to “graduate” clients. Because each client comes with different needs and goals, the answers vary. I’ve had some clients for years, but I also pride myself in “booster-coaching” in which a client comes back for one session every now and then to stay on track.

Change is Inevitable. Growth, Optional
Coaching is about change. Most people don’t like change. They want something different without change. They want someone to give them lots of choices and then choose something easy and POOF! life is better. I’d like that, too, but it doesn’t work that way. Otherwise I would be slim, sleek, firm, and famous. Oh, and rich, while I’m dreaming.

In real life, coaching (from my point of view) is about walking a hard road with a client until the clients are able to handle the incline themselves. Along the way, the client learns how to use some tools that make the journey easier. To stick to the metaphor, a good pair of hiking boots, a supply of cool water. Ideally, the ability to enjoy the view today, instead of thinking the view will be spectacular in an hour or next week.

No Advice in Coaching
Clients call me because their lives are not what they imagined. They want something different. I lose a fair amount of clients when I tell them that I don’t give advice. I learned the idea from my mother, and had it confirmed in coaching school. My mother would pose a problem to me, and I’d give her a way to solve it. She’d bat it out of the way as too hard, too cumbersome, too complicated. I was then obliged to toss out 47 more choices till she found one she liked. When she couldn’t make the solution work, it was my fault. After all, it was my solution. Exactly.

So my clients don’t get advice. First we figure out what the goal really is—maybe it’s a new job, maybe it’s recognizing that being an “individual contributor” is a dead-end in the company, but being OK with that. Maybe it’s finding a great hobby to fill out the life. It could be as complex as starting all over again from scratch, writing and publishing a book, or learning how to work deeply at an artistic work and change your life.

Heading Toward a Goal
Once the goal is set, we explore different steps to get there. Small, do-able steps. Each week there is homework. And a chance to get a big view again. And then, one week, I’ll say, “Do you think we are almost done here?” Almost everyone says “NO!” But once we look back at the path traveled, and see that we have walked up a long, twisting path and that the view is pretty good from here, the client knows it’s time to review the tools and how each one is used.

After that, we drop to twice a month, then maybe once a month. Most clients, once they know the tools work, are eager to use them on their own. And that’s how it should be.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach. For more information on life- and creativity coaching, visit her website, www.quinncreative.com
–Images: Green eyeshade from www.spj.org and flying courtesy www.fotosearch.com

Content: (c) Quinn McDonald, 2007. All rights reserved.