Being on vacation gives you time to muse. Musing is good. It is the mental equivalent of listening to 12-minutes of guitar noodling by the Grateful Dead.
So, while at the art retreat, I got to thinking on the topic of “them” v. “us.” Artists v. crafters, artists who sell v. artists who don’t, even a topic that came up a few times, the fact that most of the classes had no men in them, and the inevitable feeling of “just us girls who understand.”
This need for duality in our culture fascinates me. We seem to enjoy the dividing line. It’s ‘them’ or ‘us,’ you are either ‘deaf’ or ‘hearing,’ ‘cancer survivor,’ or ‘cancer free.’ Or even, when we get right down to it, particularly in Washington, D.C, ‘patriot,’ or ‘terrorist.’ There doesn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground in this way of thinking.
What makes that odd, is that over the last 10 years or so, our culture seems to be gravitating there. We like labels. And once we put on the label, we have to make the other label not as good, worthwhile, or, better yet, bad.
We not only categorize people, but we use the categories to give people a value rank. Cat owners have the perspective of “Dog people are not as ‘worthwhile’ as cat people.” (Or any one of a million labels we give ourselves). And once we have a label everyone else gets lumped into the “other” group. We are really shortchanging ourselves.
It would be great if we could all leave our boxing ring corners and
come out and play in the middle, shrugging off differences. Talking about differences–including sex, religion, race, and politics is a good thing. Even better is listening. It won’t hurt to hear what someone else thinks. It might be a clue how to communicate with them instead of a way to gather information to shun them.
As a culture, we may be too competitive to do that. When we are competitive, we need to be hierarchical. “That person is better. He could [choose however many work] beat me up, make more money than I do, have a bigger house, get a better job.]” And from that, being higher up the food chain makes us feel better about ourselves.
There are few people, who believe, as I do, that having a support position is what we are here for. I often say that my life isn’t about me. I find myself an observer, not wanting to be either “this” or “that.” I want to try out many things, sample ideas and positions, and not have to choose one and defend it to the death.
This kind of dualistic thinking only gives us two options–right and wrong. And that’s just not enough. There are many opinions, beliefs, ideas that are not right or wrong. They just are. And that’s where I am, too. Anyone want to join me? It’s awfully quiet and the space is empty.
–Quinn McDonald thinks a lot about how people interact and why it works and doesn’t work. She is a writer and artist. See her work at QuinnCreative.com Images: turbosquid.com (c) 2007. All rights reserved.
