What do I do with my journal?

Are you afraid that someone will find out your journal secrets? That when you die your life will be there for all to see? If this is keeping you from writing in a journal, could you reconsider? There are steps you can take to protect your privacy, and some things to think about before you cut off your connection to the past.

If you feel strongly that your privacy not be invaded, you can rent a safe deposit box at a bank. Put your completed journals in this safe deposit box and give the key to a trusted friend.

Julia Cameron, the author of “The Artist’s Way,” and the proponent of writing three pages of whatever you are thinking every single morning was asked at a book signing if she keeps her journals. She said she did, they fill a storage locker. She has an agreement with her daughter, her executor, that she be cremated. “But first, burn the books. Then burn me!” Cameron said.

Before you choose to keep your life such a secret, let me encourage you to let go. Once you are dead your past is not going to haunt you. And it might help others. My mother’s life was a mystery to me. I was born late in her life and only knew her as angry and manipulative. Sure, she had bright moments, but they were short and quickly dispensed with.

After her death, I found a packet of love letters she and my father had exchanged. So strong was her hold over me, even from the grave, that I seriously considered destroying the letters, unopened. When I read through them, another woman emerged. One I had never known. A young woman, the woman who was the mother to my brothers. She seemed eager to live her life. I never found out what had shut her down, although she had many reasons.

Without those letters, I would have never had a chance to see this other person. This person with hope and humor. This woman who suddenly had more in common with me than I ever believed. It was a generous gift to discover.  I’m sure she would have hated my prying into her past, but now that I know, it is also easier for me to be easier on her.

Before you lock up your past, think about the help you might be. That event you are ashamed of might help someone else, might change their mind, might leave a word of encouragement. Once you are gone, your life in this world is complete. Leave some clues for the next generation. You might create a picture of yourselves for people who are not even born. Give them a view into your life, and into the status of life in a time period they never knew.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach who teaches journal writing. See her work at QuinnCreative.com

Journals: Write to Forget, Write to Remember

Most journal keepers write entries to remember events or people. You had a wonderful evening. You write it down so you’ll never forget. And when you need to know, it’s there. You keep track of books and movies you love, make lists of MP3s you want to buy, and the list is there to work with when you need it.

There is another side to journal-keeping: Writing to Forget

Journal-keeping is wonderfully healing. You write down your anger, and your anger stays on the page. You write down the detailed background of how you got hurt, and the hurt is eased. Journal writing helps you forget, move on, forgive, ease up. On others, on yourself.

How can writing help you both remember and forget? Writing is a creative activity, and the act of forming words carefully, with a pen, creates a reaction between your brain and hand that lets you think through the emotional impact and deal with it. I’m not sure it works the same way on a keyboard, it may.

Writing helps you forget, because you can vent on the page, have an emotional reaction, examine your (and the other person’s) motives, and move on. You decide what to take with you as you move on.

When you write down to remember, something similar happens. (List making is different, it records items.) You vent in a different manner, and take a different set of memories with you.

Journal prompt: What can you let go of that you no longer need to remember?
–(c) Quinn McDonald, 2008. All rights reserved. Image: Japanese Netsuke, ca. 1890.

Layering Colors

It was my first night in colored pencil class. This sounds a bit like coloring class for grown-ups. The lesson was drawing an apple. As I looked at the apple in front of me, I noticed it was irregular and had an interesting stem–and that made for a great outline drawing.

The lesson was to apply color from light to dark, so the first step was to cover the inside of the drawing with a nicely applied layer of cream. You dont’ want a lot of white spots on the paper. A layer of a light color modifies the image nicely.

As I applied layer after layer, it occurred to me how complicated the outside of an apple is. And how easy it is to make the apple look three -dimensional with the addition of a darker color. And how the highlight, where the ceiling light shines off the peel, is not really white, but reflective.

While I sat an applied color, I learned that a wash of yellow over the curve in the front brightens the entire image. That using the opposite of the red color of the apple–green–makes the shadows look deeper. That another layer of color can change the color entirely.

And I smiled because this sounded more like a life lesson than an art lesson. That steadily applying a cheerful face to life makes you more cheerful. That knowing the opposites in life–happiness and sorrow, failure and success, patience and impetuousness–adds richness to the texture of life. And that adding another perspective can change your outlook. Not only that, but that a lot of work and a willingness to keep layering color makes for a better depth of experience.

When I was done, I had used 15 colors on the apple. It had taken two hours. And I know that if I show it to someone, they’ll shrug and say, “Well, what will you DO with that? Can you sell it?” And I’ll smile and say, “It’s art,” and think, “Just like life.”

–Quinn McDonald is a writer and certified creativity coach. See her work at QuinnCreative.com  Apple drawing by Quinn McDonald. (c) 2008 All rights reservd.

Why Keep a Visual Journal?

I’ve kept a written journal for years. I’ve done morning pages, evening pages, no pages. So why start a visual journal? Because a visual journal helps you keep memories more clearly than just a written journal. And you don’t need to be a visual artist, either.

My journal entries often take up a lot of space describing something well enough so I can remember it. In other words, I write a lot to create a picture in my head. So I thought I’d try going directly to the source, and draw the thing I want to remember. This helps me be more observant. About color. About shadows. About shape. About what was really important–was it a linked memory, an emotion, a new idea?

Since it’s my journal, and I don’t intend on exhibiting it or turning it into a movie, how well my drawing resemble the object I’m trying to draw it not as important as capturing a memory.

Sometimes I give myself a time limit. It helps to see what I need to see and not spend a lot of time on too many details. I’m trying to catch an idea, not a plot line.

A visual journal helps you be more aware.
A visual journal allows you to see colors more vividly.
Texture comes alive in a journal, and you can use words to compare what you see now to something else. The radish leaves are slightly fuzzy and gritty with sand. I’d never given it much thought.

Your images help you accept your level of art ability, particularly if you give yourself deadlines to prevent overworking an image. In this case, I also tested some of the reds on the same page, so I could layer some colors and get the radish right. Next time, I’ll write the color underneath, so I can use the journal to test color swatches. Another use–getting colors right.

I was flipping through my journal the other day, and as this page passed, I immediately could taste the radish sandwich I love in spring–crisp red radishes sliced thin and placed on smooth unsalted butter on nine-grain bread. I could taste it again.
Pictures are a shorthand to an experience, and you can make the most of it with a visual journal.

Next: It doesn’t have to be pictures, words can be visual, too.
–Quinn McDonald is a writer and certified creativity coach. She keeps journals for many reasons.
Image by Quinn. (c) 2008 All right reserved.

Easy Life Tips

I wanted to start a series on visual journaling tonight, but it’s too much and I’m too tired. Stay tuned, it will be coming in a few days.

Meanwhile, some tips to make your life easier:

1.  If your checks have duplicates and you are forever losing the separator, simply write the checks from the back to the front of the checkbook. You won’t need a separator, and it doesn’t matter how the numbers run, as long as they are in order.

2.  Flattening chicken or pork reduces cooking time and makes it really tender; but I hate those hammer-like implements that also give meat a weird, felt-like texture. Put the meat in a big ziplock bag and pound it with a heavy bottle, like a wine bottle. Works just fine, and a lot less mess.

3. If you love onions, but they don’t love you, use leeks instead. Cheap, but with a wonderfully mild onion flavor, they work in soups and as a side dish. Cut them length-wise to wash the sand out of them.

4. Wear a lot of wash-and-wear black? Hate the way it fades? Pour a quarter cup of vinegar into the washing machine to set the color. Do it the first three times and the outfit will stay dark for much longer.

5. And while you have the vinegar out, pour a cupful into your coffee carafe, fill it up with water and pour it into your coffee machine. Turn on the machine. Follow with a rinse of plain water. Your coffee will taste a lot better.

6. Like the tube-size facial cleanser and shampoo in the shower, but the cheaper size comes in a big bottle? When the tube is almost empty, take off the lid, squeeze the air out of the tube, then press the mouth of the tube to the mouth of the bottle, which you have turned upside down over the tube. Release the pressure on the tube and it will suck out the contents of the bottle, neatly re-filling itself.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer and certified creativity coach. See her work at QuinnCreative.com (c) 2008 All rights reserved.

Flashlight Walk

Full moon was a few nights ago, so the moon comes up, orange as a copper penny, around 7:4 p.m. Spring is here, complete with nature flying her freak flag–with the ripe bitter oranges that look full and juicy but are filled with mouth-puckering, sour juice and pulp. Or with trees that have sprouted out both above and below the graft, two different kinds of the same tree blooming on one stem.

On Spring days there are endless activities to try in Phoenix. Like the frantic activity in Fall on the East Coast, before winter slush and depression set in, our Spring is packed with the activities that in July and August, we will not pursue. It will be too hot to cross a parking lot, much less hike, walk through gardens, or climb the local mountains.

So when I read about the flashlight walk through the San Tan Mountains south of Queen Creek, I had to try it. I thought I might be the only person to show up. After all, hiking in the dark, with a flashlight if the moon isn’t bright enough, didn’t seem like it would have a lot of appeal to TV nation. I was wrong. About 50 people showed up, some with lights clipped to the visors of their caps.

The sun set, leaving a nice turquoise light in the West and a spreading indigo sky in the East. The group struck out, a bit vigorously for my abilities.  We were a mixed group, families, a few dogs, and couples. Many people had walking sicks or trekking poles. The first half mile we hiked in granite ground down to a sand-like consistency. It was like walking on the beach. Then the trail headed up, directly up into the stars. The mountains were silhouetted around us, and one by one the constellations appearing in the sky. Orion, the two dippers, the seven sisters. No Milky Way, though. Phoenix has too much light pollution.

I began to drop back, not being able to keep up the pace. My flashlight came out, because the trail turned into sheets of stone, and it was hard to find footing. You don’t want to stumble off the trail into a cholla cactus. It will break off a piece and go with you, carried along in your jeans or skin on 3-inch spikes.

As people passed me, the trail ahead was dotted with moving lights as people used them to check out the terrain, then turned them off to have the moon light the way. Halfway through, we stopped to let people who were tired or didn’t want to take the steeper part of the trail turn back. I decided to stay, but next time, I’m taking a stick.

The 3-plus mile walk was worthwhile and interesting. I worried too much about my footing on the top half of the walk to call it fun, but it is an experience I’ve never had before, and one worth doing before it gets too hot.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach and a beginning hiker. Tomorrow she goes shopping for some decent hiking boots, sneakers aren’t sturdy enough for hiking up mountains. (c) 2008 All rights reserved.

Tea Joy

In these wonderful spring days in the Sonoran desert, the days are warm and the nights cool. And on cool nights, I like to drink tea. Jasmine-touched green tea is wonderful, as is white tea (Snow Leopard) which is even richer in anti-oxidants. And, of course, my favorite–masala chai. The syrup-sweet concoction you get at most premium coffee places isn’t really chai. I don’t like the amount of sugar (or sugar-substitute) they put into it–it’s far too cloying.

Masala chai has the spices of India in it–cardamom, cinnmon, ginger, and a sprinkling of black pepper. The pepper gives it a deep aroma, and there is nothing better when the evening has a nip than to prepare a cup of chai and dunk a biscotti into it. (And yes, I do have a recipe for chocolate and black pepper biscotti. What can I say, I love the mix of pepper and sweet).

But making tea can be a bit difficult, if you are only drinking one cup at a time and don’t usually use tea bags. And then the place I buy my coffee had the answer–and one of those answers I like–not too expensive and pure luxe!

Peets coffee and tea emporium has a lovely, rounded borosilicate tea glass. It comes with an infuser. The clever device has a broad top that closes off the class, so you are not losing heat while the tea is steeping. Remove the lid and you have a place to put the infuser. Ah, but the best is yet to come.

The glass is double-walled, providing not only a thing of beauty but cool hands. Borosilicate glass is light and dense, so the double-walled glass is lighter than a regular glass, and remains cool to the touch even when your tea is hot. There is another benefit–it’s tough, so it doesn’t scratch easily or etch in the dishwasher.

Now those cool-enough-for-tea evenings have a satisfying ritual of tea making. And when the weather gets too hot for tea, well, that double-walled glass will hold ice chai just as well.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer and a certified creativity coach and tea drinker. She was a coffee drinker first, and still loves coffee for breakfast. See her creative work at QuinnCreative.com  Images from Peets website. (c) 2008 All rights reserved.

Pretend Allergies: Controlling the Environment

My friend Anna (not her real name, of course) was eating lunch with me in a restaurant. I ordered a salad, and she asked the waiter if the salad dressing contained nuts. He said it did, peanuts. Anna wrinkled her nose, still an incredibly cute look for her, and said she had a peanut allergy, and could he make sure that her salad had walnuts.

The waiter looked uncomfortable and said that he couldn’t guarantee the salad had never come in contact with nuts. Anna said that a restaurant needed to pay more attention to the medical needs of the customers, and ordered soup.

“I didn’t know you were allergic to peanuts,” I said.
“I don’t like them,” she said, “But the waiter won’t care about that, so I say I’m allergic.”
“Why would you say you are allergic to something you aren’t allergic to?”
Anna shrugged. “So he gets it. Otherwise I have to argue.”
While I ate my salad, I wondered about the client who claims to be allergic to perfume, and asks me not to wear any when I come to visit. Last week I forgot, but she didn’t say anything. In fact, she was wearing perfume. Angel. I am not a fan, but believe in letting people wear whatever perfume they want. Allergy or control freak?

How about my friend who says she is allergic to wheat? How can she eat pasta? I assumed it was spelt, but that doesn’t explain the hotdog on a bun I saw her munching while strolling down the street with her kids. Is this wheat allergy seasonal?

It seems that lately a lot of people I know have medical alerts–allergies and sensitivities. For a while I gave up having dinner parties because there was no meal I could cook that would satisfy all the allergies my friends have–chocolate, strawberries, nuts (ground AND tree), soy, milk, wheat, cheese–aged and new, corn, rice, and eggs. At one point I canceled a dinner party because I could not find enough food that would be OK’d by the vegan, the siliac, and the lactose intolerant who was also allergic to soy. (This sounds like the beginning of a great joke, doesn’t it, “a vegan, a siliac and a lactose intolerant walked into a bar.) In fact, liquor (non-wheat based) might have been the only thing I COULD serve. When I sent around the email canceling because the three menus I had would not please the whole group, I got back one suggestion that I cook all three, and label the dishes with their ingredients (umm, no.) and one retraction of a former allergy. The dinner was back on.

I would be a lot more concerned if I knew these allergies were real. Some of them seem to be control issues or simply a way to get attention and have other people take care of you. And how will I know the difference? And when will I stop caring?

Yes, some people have serious allergies. I once worked for a man who could have died from a single pignole. This isn’t about that. It’s about people who manipulate through fictional allergies for their own enjoyment or their need for attention. Do you think a pet would help? Unconditional love? Oh, you can’t have a pet? Oh, sure, allergies.

Image: www.slate.com

–Quinn McDonald is a writer with hay fever who is allergic to one of her cats, but not the other two. She is thinking of becoming a vegetarian. (c) 2008 All rights reserved.

Steel Cut Oats: Worth the Time?

Oatmeal has always been a favorite breakfast food in my house. Not the instant, which always tastes as if it had been made in the Play-Doh factory, the old-fashioned. Yes, they took a little longer to cook, but it could be done in five minutes. I cook oatmeal in milk, it gives a much richer taste. But milk means you have to stir, so 5 minutes is about all I could handle.

My niece introduced me to steel-cut oats. I was astonished to find that they were not flat or flaked. These oats are still grain-shaped.  (You can see both flakes and steel-cut in the photo.)

The taste was completely different–sort of nutty, like wheat berries, and an incredible taste treat. They also filled me up completely for three hours, making it easy to pass up the donuts, eclairs and other breakfast goodies in my clients’ kitchens.

Steel-cut oats take forever to cook. The package I have said “about 10 minutes.” Only if you need to break out a few annoying molars. It takes a full 20 minutes to cook steel-cut oats. If you are cooking more than one serving, you can count on 30. I just don’t have 30 extra minutes in the morning, so I began to experiment with shortcuts.

Here are two that work really well:

1. Stir and run method. Put the milk (or water) into a deep saucepan, add the oats (follow directions on the can) and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Once they have boiled for 30 seconds, you can turn the burner to warm (if you have an annoying electric stove) or the lowest gas setting. Then go take a shower or get dressed. Do not desert the oats. Check in once in a while to make sure there is enough liquid in the pot. You probably will have to add more. I add water, even when cooking with milk, give it a quick stir, and go put on my makeup. By the time I’m ready for breakfast, the oats are done perfectly.

2. Cook two servings at once, following the instructions above. Eat one serving, and put the other one in a covered container. If you are covering the container with plastic wrap, make sure the wrap touches the top of the oatmeal to prevent milk skin from forming. The next morning, you simply pour a little milk or water into a pan and warm up the oatmeal. You cannot tell the difference in taste or texture.

Don’t reheat in the microwave, you will be eating dense, chewy little rubber bullets. Mix in dried cherries, fresh raspberries, or cut up crystalized ginger. Add sugar, honey, or syrup. Or just eat it plain.

–Image: Quinn McDonald.

Quinn is a writer and certified creativity coach. See her work at QuinnCreative.com.

Perfectionist Reads a Book

A friend recommended a non-fiction book, a scholarly work on culture clash in America. Being trained as a folklorist, the idea was appealing. The book was well-written, but it didn’t move forward. “Too much spinning, not enough weaving,” I thought. Or, to borrow an idea from another obsession of mine–perfume, “good notes, bad blending.” Had the book been a perfume, I would not have purchased a full bottle, but it wasn’t a scrubber either.

Last night, I noticed I’ve been reading it since December. It’s about 300 pages, and I haven’t managed to flog myself through it. Each night, I’ll read a few pages at bedtime, then put it down. Each time I buy a book I’d rather read, It gets put at the bottom of the stack growing by the side of my bed.
When the stack got precariously high, I had to admit that I wasn’t enjoying the nonfiction culture-clash book. I felt I was reading the same 50 pages over and over. Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch, I thought. But I’m a recovering perfectionist, so how could I abandon a book? No, I must finish it. I tortured myself for another week.

The habit of completing what you start is a good one. But when it comes to books, it doesn’t apply. It’s not virtuous to finish a book that you started in good faith when that book is turning you to a curmudgeon. Drop the book. Quit reading it. Abandon it. Leave it in a basket on someone’s doorstep. Just because it seemed intriguing, just because someone recommended it does not bind your honor to reading every last page.

Tonight I read the last chapter. It was much like the others I’d read. I didn’t miss the 100 pages I’d skipped. And then I cheerfully, grinningly, reached for Anne Lamott’s book, Grace (Eventually), which I hope to enjoy a great deal, for every page.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer and certified creativity coach. See her work at QuinnCreative.com (c) 2008. All rights reserved. Image: school.discoveryeducation.com