10 Questions to Ask Your Coach

You’ve decided to work with a coach for the usual reasons: you aren’t getting enough done, you spend a lot of time worrying, you are repeating all the same patterns, you are unhappy with your life, you aren’t getting promoted, there is trouble on your team, you aren’t managing your life, your boss or your colleagues well, you don’t know what to do next.

You’ve found some names, now how to decide? Asking questions is good. What to ask? Here are some ideas to build on:

Q. “Do you coach on the phone, in person, or via email?”
A. In person gives you face to face contact, but it also means you need to drive, park, walk there and back. You may have to use time looking for a parking space or pay to park.

Phone coaching can fit into parts of your day that work best for you–early morning, lunch, evening when you have some time. If your coach does phone coaching, ask if they were trained that way. It takes a special skill.

Email coaching is tricky. You might feel emotional when you write, then be in a completely different mood when the answer comes back. When a coach asks a question, you may write back what the coach wants to hear, rather than what you feel. Email coaching is the least reliable. Email is great for coaching homework or reporting in, but not for the heart of coaching.

Q: “Where did you train?”
A:
Some people have been coaching for a long time and never went to a course. But a recognized coaching course gives you some reassurance that there were principles learned, practiced and tested. Therapists often become coaches, although coaches are not therapists, unless they have studies and been licensed to be a therapist. In general, therapists look backward for the origin of problems, and coaches look forward to goals.

Q: “How long have you been coaching regularly?”
A:
It’s good to know if someone has just started. That doesn’t mean they aren’t gifted, but experience is an excellent skill-builder. And coaching regularly is the key. A coach who has taken a three-year sabbatical may not be at the top of the skill.

Q: “How many times a month do we talk and for how long?”
A:
This varies widely and you need to be comfortable with the commitment. Some coaching sessions run for half an hour, some for an hour. Some coaching sessions are 4 times a month, some three, some at random intervals. Choose a coach whose working sessions make sense to you. Ask why they chose their session length and frequency. The answer should have the voice of experience.

Q: “How much do you charge?”
A:
A coach who hedges on the answer, or gives an unclear answer is one you should avoid. Prices should be clear, easy to understand and explain. I favor coaches who put their price on their website. No reason to hide it, fees are either affordable for your client, or not. The client determines the value. If my grocery store didn’t post their prices in the paper, or I had to search for airline prices, I wouldn’t use them.

Q: “How long will it take?”
A:
No coach can tell you how long it will take to make a change in your life. It depends on how hard you work, and what you want to achieve. Change takes time. Once you have achieved a goal, you might very well want to move on to another goal with the same coach. Some people find that a good coach is a necessity and stay for years, other clients go for a quick fix and stay for a few months, a few clients just check in once a month or so after coaching ends.

Q: “Do you give homework?”:
A:
Coaches frequently ask powerful questions at the end of a session. Other times, you may agree with the coach to complete a task, start a project, write down some notes. Coaching is most effective between sessions, when your mind returns to the session and builds on it. Having a focal point to build on is a big advantage.

Q: Do you give sample sessions?
A:
Coaching is personal and experiential. It’s hard to describe it using only words, just like it is hard to explain an ice cream flavor. Once you taste it, you understand how the ice cream tastes to you. Many coaches give a sample session to let you see their style, approach and tone. Not every coach will work for you, and no coach should discourage you from trying more than one before making a decision.

Q: Will you get my book published/ find me a soul mate/ get my family off my back?
A:
No. Sorry, you have to do the work. A coach supports you, shows you different perspectives, discusses consequences, shows you options, asks what you need to complete a task, helps you see the steps in a task, supports you, encourages you, demands the best from you, makes you accountable, and asks questions, helps you think about resources, maybe even shares resources. But no advice. A life- or creativity coach that gives hard advice and instructions consistently isn’t helping you. If you are not coming up with your own ideas, you won’t be dedicated to them. If you don’t choose your own path, you will blame the coach. Part of coaching is learning to take responsibility for your life.

Q: “May I call or email you?”
A:
Most coaches believe that you are creative, resourceful and whole when you begin coaching. If you need a therapist, that’s a different kind of help. Many coaches offer email exchanges for homework or brief check-ins. How often you call without getting charged is up to the coach and you to set. Boundaries are important to keep the relationship in balance. If you and your coach become close friends, the coach may have a hard time keeping your goal in perspective. Most coaches don’t mind a quick phone call or email during office hours. Be careful about making demands on how fast you expect an answer, and the hours a coach is available. Coaches need their downtime, too.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach and a life coach who helps with transitions in business, career, and family matters. She can be reached at QuinnCreative.com

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5 responses to “10 Questions to Ask Your Coach

  1. I I have been pastoring the same church for 12 years,but there has not been any continual growth and with the years come a need to change things especially things that are not working and I struggle with trying to help people who resist change to see that change is neccessary for the church to be able to reach the community and the church struggles financially so how do I share my vision ?

    • Change is scary to most people. While it is inevitable, the accompanying growth is optional. Not everyone wants to grow. That may be a stumbling block for you, if you do want to grow. The difference between how you see yourself and your ideas and how your congregation sees you and your ideas would be a rich place to work.

  2. I am beginning a coaching session and I don’t really know what questions I want to have him coach me on. I pastor a small church and have been here for twelve years but the church hasn’t grown and I struggle with finding ways to express my vision because of certain members that have been there who hate change,so what do I do?

    • Each coach approaches situations differently. I’m a co-active coach, so I might ask you questions similar to this:
      –what is your vision for the church?
      –how did this vision develop?
      –what values you hold as important are the foundation of this vision?

      We’d spend a lot of time talking about what is important to you, how it would reflect in your church, and then move into how you see your church growing before we move on to how you see the congregation. That would be a good beginning.

  3. Pingback: Planning Your Resolutions « QuinnCreative

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