Yesterday, I wrote about the frustration of new moms–babies take up a lot of time and will alter your identity. It’s hard being a mom no matter what your age–or your child’s age, for that matter.
Today, a bit of a wake-up call for those new moms: Pssst, it doesn’t get easier. And drinking doesn’t help.
If you are like most women, statistics say you will live longer than your male companion. And it is quite likely you will have to care for him in some way. I know that many men take care of their female companions, and either way, age doesn’t make it any better.
For all you frustrated moms who can’t wait till the kids leave the house, here is what you have to look forward to:
Image: auto.howstuffworks.com
–Now you can strap them in a car seat and pack a stroller. Struggling with a wheelchair is a lot more
Image: imageenvision.com
complicated.
–Now your baby is quiet, or plays in the car seat. Later, you’ll get driving directions and criticism from the person who doesn’t like the way you drive.
–Now there are stores that have “Baby on Board” lots close to the store. When you are both frail but your doctor won’t write you a permission slip for a handicapped pass and you have to push the wheelchair from the other end of the lot, you will think dark thoughts.
–Now carrying a baby brings smiles from other moms or those anticipating motherhood, and a few grandparents, too. Walking with an infirm older spouse creates looks of fear and revulsion. Lots of people look away. No one wants to think about getting old or sick.
–Now, people will nod knowingly and understand when you say your child is pressing on your last nerve. When you get older, people will reprimand you for not having endless patience. “In sickness and in health,” they’ll say knowingly, in case you forgot.
–Now people will sympathize with your energy drain and encourage you to take a night off from baby stress. When you are older, people don’t think you need a night off. “Marriage is about being together,” they’ll advise you.
—Now when your baby kicks off shoes, doesn’t want to wear what’s clean, or makes demands, you secretly know that you are still stronger. When you are older, you better be craftier.
—Now, postpartum depression is taken seriously and you can get help. When you are run down and depressed taking care of an ailing spouse, you’ll be told not to be cranky ol’ fart.
So all you young exhausted mothers, cheer up. Your kids will grow up. But you and your spouse will grow old. If you are lucky, with each other. Don’t wait for retirement to enjoy life. Do it now.
–Quinn McDonald is a writer, life- and creativity coach. You can see her business site at QuinnCreative.com and visit her art journaling site at Raw-Art-Journals.com (c) QuinnCreative 2009 All rights reserved.
It’s extremely sad that today the elderly are not valued for who and what they are. They are a valuable source of knowledge and learning and so often we forget that, especially people of my generation and younger. I’m only 32 but I long ago learned the value of the elderly and what joy (and pain) caring for them can be. I watched my grandmother slowly die from Alzheimers but before she was diagnosed I’d already learned all the signs and the death process that come with it. I began work in a nursing home at the age of 16 and over the eight years I was there learned a lot about this generation. I heard war stories, tales of the Great Depression, learned how to kill a chicken with my bare hands from an old woman who told everybody that’s what she was going to do to them. I cared for the sweetest looking little old lady who could cuss a sailor blue and you’d never know she had tattoos until you helped her undress. There was also the sparkle you saw in a patient’s eyes when they could no longer speak that showed their gratitude at you sitting with them for a few minutes and treating them like they were a real person again. I wish everyone could get to know at least one elderly person (outside their own family) and maybe that would help them appreciate all that you go through to get to this “second childhood”. Trust me, it’s hard on you getting older but it’s even harder once you get there and nobody wants to spend time with you anymore, not even your own family and friends. They drop you off in a nursing home and though they still live in the same town they don’t have the time to come visit you.
I hope someone will read this and start looking at these people in a new light.
The comparison is very clever. I guess the bottom line is that babies are cute and the elderly, we have been trained, seem less so. Changing diapers on a baby is not a big deal; having to do it on an adult seems to be.
My spouse spent about a year in a hospital bed, on crutches or in a wheelchair. I don’t remember other people’s reactions to the aids. It was the illness, the apparent unbearable pain and hopelessness of it all that consumed my attention. I took one day at a time and held on to my spiritual beliefs. That was 8 years ago and we are well, still together, enjoying life more than ever.
In this world, we have not been promised a rose garden, but there sure are many roses strewn along the way – along with the thorns. Sometimes the thorns seem to take the upper hand, but sooner or later, the flowers show up again.
It was my spouse’s experience that here, in the heart of Europe, people are very considerate towards the handicapped, especially the more mature individuals.
I love your writing about this time. You are the strongest person I know, cloaked in the most humble of aspects. You are amazing. I think that as a consumer society, when we “fail” at consuming, we aren’t worth anything to society anymore. Sad, really.
Interesting how people don’t even want to comment on a post talking about growing old. The best line of all–don’t wait for retirement. Enjoy life now.
I knew this post would gather dust. No one wants to talk about “old.” We hide old people in society because they aren’t consumers–or aren’t consuming enough of the products we want to sell. Once you aren’t a consumer in this society, you are not worth paying attention to.
The baby boomers are approaching that last phase of life. It could be a mighty and respectable force towards changing trends.