Our inner critic is no fool. Playing on fear is how s/he gets our attention. Fear reactions are deep and visceral and often feel like safety, when often they are simply more fear. A reaction to fear is anger, and to anger doubt. You can see where that leads without much explanation.
When I saw the image with Marianne Williamson quote on Facebook, it made me smile. We are also afraid of love. Love is work. Love is commitment. Love is not guaranteed. If we fail, it will hurt.
All that is true.
Love can hurt if we fail at it.
But fear hurts when we succeed at it.
—Quinn McDonald has felt both love and fear, so she is writing a book about the inner critic.
I’m learning, in tiny steps, that fear is also a motivator. Sometimes the only way to get rid of the fear is to do the thing making us afraid. Amazingly, it’s almost always a better feeling than that nagging fear. But darn, then up pops another fear…
Fear begets more fear and anger. But recognizing fear and sitting down to have a chat with it often fades it away.
This is a brilliant little essay. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve copied it to keep it near.
I must admit, the last two lines surprised me when I wrote them. Painfully true. And you honor me by copying them.
Fear is the darkroom where we develop our negatives.
Not only clever, but wise.
Thanks for this, Quinn. Sometimes my fear results in not speaking out. It’s safer. And sometimes, speaking out is necessary. It can be interpreted as anger. Really, it’s respecting the self. Or maybe love. That’s my recent experience anyway!