Beating the Heart

Striding down the street, I make my heart
speed up. We have a deal:
It pumps to keep me walking, and
I walk to keep it pumping.

photo1Less than a precision-drilled machine, my heart
holds the fingerprints and scratches, scars from years of work
Standing upright, walking forward, bending backward to  make
just one more idea work, to push life into place,
exhausted or defeated, but
exhilarated by the outcome;
not what I expected but amazing just the same.

This heart has teeth marks on it, pieces missing, ripped out
by greedy mouths, teeth of the needy wanting some free muscle power.
Bones are too hard, or they’d suck the marrow down their gulping throats,
pushing, pulling “More, it’s not enough,” they find the weak spot in the heart,
thinking that inside must be the gift they want,
Whatever it is.  They don’t know, but I owe it to them, owe it now.

heartroadSlower, gasping for breath, I keep on walking but it’s uphill,
and harder for the weight.
Those fingerprints marring the surface of my heart are snagging,
pulling the beating thing out of my chest. See all the years of wear?
Nicks and dents of love pursued, love lost, love found and then thrown back:
A fish too small, a fish too mean, a bottom feeder that broke the line.
Escaped, leaving the barbed hook curved through my heart
instead of in his pulsing gills.

There is no saving of a heart, no holding back.
I am the one who said, “Yes, touch it, it can take it,” and then pulled back
when I saw the blood-dark fingerprints left on the pulsing surface.
My brittle heart is no precision-milled machine.
It was a fragile seedpod from another world.

This time around,  the thorny kernels of trapped time
fling through my legs and hands, root in my chest,
urging me forward into growth I am not sure I want.

* * *

Quinn McDonald marvels at her heart’s endurance.

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16 responses to “Beating the Heart

  1. You have made me feel like going back to poetry too. Thanks for sharing this gorgeous poem.

  2. A friend of 50+ years just had open heart surgery – I would like to send this poignant poem to her. So beautifully evocative …

  3. Heart poetry. Such images — the fish, a barbed hook, a seedpod from another world. Evocative.

  4. Beautiful words to touch the heart!! I love the images that you included with your poem especially the cracked road heart.

  5. ‘Like’ isn’t enough. Love the writing and connected with the message.

    Last night I heard a quote from Dr Ian Gawler, a cancer survivor and a pioneer in ‘mind-body’ medicine, ‘animals and humans have an inate capacity to heal’ . . . we are walking miracles.

    I’m not sure why he made the distinction between animals and humans, perhaps because some people don’t like to think of themselves as animal. although he was talking about vets and doctors?

    • Yep, hearts heal infinitely, unless we don’t want them to, in which case they stay small and mean. We are all animals, but that is generally thought of as a pejorative remark.

  6. Absolutely wonderful, Quinn! I could actually feel each line as I read it. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.

  7. A most wonderfully written, beautiful story to open this day’s book…thanks Quinn

  8. It’s not nice to make people cry before they’ve even had their morning coffee…

  9. Your writing is awesome. Is there no end to your talents?

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