The Dark Side of Facebook, Blogs and Twitter

Skim through Facebook and you’ll find tons of perfect classes being taught by fabulous instructors. Online, through e-books, in-person. In just the topic you need a class in.  You’ll also find people doing amazing things: eating only raw food and loving it, painting amazing paintings, sewing breathtaking clothing,  creating work so detailed that it leaves you breathless. And not only that, they are on gorgeous, well-designed blogs with tons of paid advertising.

The quote is Pema Chodron, but the lovely painting? I’ve found 37 “original” sources for it on Google. I don’t know who did it, but it’s lovely. It’s signed, but I can’t read the signature.

How come do those people have so much time to do their work while you are working so hard and not getting enough done? And what do those people know that you don’t, anyway? How come are they getting what you need and aren’t getting? And then you suddenly snap awake and know–you are in the firm grip of social media envy.

It’s a disease you catch from your computer. From spending a lot of your time digging out the perfect technique, the best instructor, the finest. . . of everything. And then mourning that it’s not yours.

You aren’t alone. I fell for it again this morning. And it won’t be the last time. It’s a weird mix of feeling that starts with research and ends up filling you with feelings of “not enough” Suddenly you are hooked on what you can’t do and don’t have. Lack and attack.

When I get that sad, draggy, not-good-enough feeling, I get off the computer. No work is getting done, but I’m allowing myself to wallow in envy. Once the computer is shut down, I remember two things:

1. A perfect blog is not an indication of a perfect life. The blogger could have dust bunnies the size of cats, fight with loved ones, discover a stain on the rug that won’t come out, and have credit card debt that’s too high. I’m just seeing the nice polish on the exterior, and I may not want the whole package that comes with the perfect blog.

2. Marketing is built on a need that’s uncomfortable. “Write to the pain point,” is the marketing mantra. So when I see a perfect class, what I’m really envious about is the video skills or equipment. When I see a huge teaching itinerary, I’m envious of the organization, time and energy an artist took to make classes, take photos, and fill out those applications. And that was why I was on the computer to begin with–I was working on that. Envy isn’t a bad emotion unless it spill over into self-loathing (or loathing strangers.) Envy is an early warning sign of something missing from your to-do list.

I’ll still feel social media envy and I’ll still stumble. But when I can be clear about what I can and can’t accomplish (or didn’t make myself do), it feels cleaner. I know who I am again. I am enough, and armed with a to-do list.

–Quinn McDonald wishes she could be lots of things she isn’t. But she’ll have to make do with what she is, because it’s unlikely there is a fairy godmother and a transformed pumpkin in her future, and she wouldn’t want to wear glass heels anyway.

 

 

 

Before You Teach (Art or Anything Else)

This gallery contains 4 photos.

You’ve been accepted to teach at an art retreat–Congratulations!  Your ideas are fresh, you can’t wait to demo this new technique, so you are all set, right? Not so fast. Even if you have done demos and taught small groups, … Continue reading →

Put Your Effort Where It Works

Wishing for what isn’t is not way to live happily. Wishing that it were cooler (if you live here in the Sonoran Desert) makes it seem hotter. Wishing you were richer makes you feel poorer.

All those yellow flowers and green leaves? They’re not coming back.

In July, the serious heat sets in. July is the hottest month for most Northern Hemisphere areas, and we often have 30 days of more than 110 degrees–they aren’t consecutive,  but most of them happen in July and August. Each year, I buy plants that say “full sun” on the little white plastic spears that come in the pot.  Our “full sun” melts the little plastic signs, so the plants don’t

Each year I struggle to keep those plants alive. That makes as much sense as trying to keep the leaves on the trees in October in Vermont. It’s just not going to happen.

This morning I quit watering the straw those plants turned into and decided to put my efforts into the ones that could survive without a lot of extra work.

Not going to make it, no matter how much love I pour on it.

And that’s exactly what happens with your creativity, too. Put it in a place where it can’t possibly survive, and the struggle is ugly and non-productive.

Whether that’s a bad relationship, bad retreat you feel you should have loved, bad project you thought would be great, or bad book you are reading, there are some efforts that won’t be rewarded. Goethe, the German thinker and poet, said “Die Arbeit ist nicht immer mit Erfolg gekrönt,” —Your work is not always guaranteed success. (I know it’s not the literal translation, the interpretation was called for here.)

So why not eliminate all those dead projects that aren’t worth saving? Flogging a dead horse is not always noble or even what’s called for. Sometimes it’s far more worthwhile to be very honest, determine that you do not have the stamina, strength, materials, smarts or spirit to make this project succeed, or even move forward. The smart thing to do is to stop pouring your effort into a bottomless pit and spend more of your effort doing something that will give you a better result.

This is the one that will make it. This is the place to put the effort.

Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at and not doing it. The other half, of course, is knowing what you are good at and doing more of it.

Yes, this is different from stopping because you are bored or tired, or walking away from your marriage because there is something more appealing to go after.  You know the projects. You’ve been there. Spend the precious water you have in the Sonoran desert to nurture the plant that can adapt to the desert. Put your energy behind the projects that will work. They will thrive and so will you.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer and certified creativity coach.

Posts from the Studio

I don’t run new posts on Saturdays, but many people spend time in the studio on the weekends and I thought it might be helpful to post links to several older posts on this blog that might be helpful for … Continue reading →

Tips on Traveling with Art Supplies

If you teach, you probably travel. If you use your car, you can load it up, but if you fly, you are limited to sending the material ahead or taking it with you on the plane.

If you are traveling to class, you usually scan the supply list and balance your need to take the class with the ability to take the supplies.

It’s not easy either way. Over the past few years of taking classes and teaching them, I’ve found a few short cuts that may be useful to you:

The easiest rule is to take only what you need. It’s easy to take everything you like to work with, but thinking through your class and taking just what you need will lighted your burden considerably.

1. Make big items small. Once I learned the trick of cutting watercolor pencils in half, I transferred the idea to other art items.

• Instead of taking six journals so I can show 12 pages in them, I do samples on loose-leaf pages and take just the pages I need. Strathmore Ready-Cut paper is already cut in sizes that fit in standard frames. And their watercolor paper is wonderful.
• Instead of taking big tubes of watercolors, I buy small palettes and fill the pans with watercolor and let them dry. Covered with cling wrap, they can be reconstituted in class.
• Instead of a many Micron or Pitt Pens, I take a Medium and a super fine. I can make broad strokes with the medium, and the super fine will do the rest.
• I also take a brush pen, because with varying pressure I can get different widths of lines. Black is my go-to color, as I can use a water-soluble one and blur the paint with water for shadows.

2. Take multi-use items.

• Matte Gel medium can be used is glue, sealant on collage papers, and can waterproof colored pencils.
• Newspaper is a smooth surface to work on, protects the table, and is packing material.
• Inks can be watercolors, worked with pens or brushes.
• Beeswax can smooth thread for sewing, serve as a resist for painting, and rub over a surface for a shiny finish. Be careful of using beeswax in summer or on paper that you’ll leave in a car. Or anytime in Phoenix and other desert towns.
• A pencil can be used to write, draw, shade, create an area of graphite to use as tracing paper, check to see if a surface is level (it will roll in the direction that is lower), or a line is straight. Pencils can make temporary lines that don’t smear or have to dry.
• A travel iron can keep your clothes tidy, dry a watercolor page, melt beeswax, get glue to set. A hair dryer can do the same, but it won’t iron your clothes.
• A cheap shower curtain will protect a table and can be used to line your shipping box to protect from potential leaks. You can also cut up the shower curtain to work wet at your table or to place between wet pages in a journal.

3. Use what you have at hand. Instead of a long, cumbersome ruler, take a soft measuring tape used in sewing. If you can be approximate, the length of your fingertip to nose is about a yard, the distance between the middle knuckle and the one toward the fingernail is an inch (any finger). I know that if I spread my fingers, the distance between my thumb and little finger is 8.5 inches (I have big hands)–so you can approximate sizes and distances.

Instead of a variety of cases, roll pencils, pens, inks or scissors in wash cloths and pack in ziplock bags. You’ll have wipe-up cloths ready to use. (Iron them dry them before you pack up again, wash between trips.)

You can take a pencil sharpener, but a piece of sandpaper will have more uses–everything from smoothing the surface of your paper or book corners to sharpening your pencils, watercolor pencils, and sewing needles.

Pack tiny items in bags or small boxes so they don’t disappear in a big packing box.

Separate items that won’t go through security at the airport and keep them out of your carry-on or roll-aboard. X-acto knives or craft cutters and their extra blades, sharp needles, spray cans, scissors with sharp or long blades–all can create long delays in airports if you accidentally take them along. The TSA will confiscate them and search you for other infractions.

Worse, the rules are enforced differently at different airports, or even the same airport by different personnel, and it’s not smart to argue with the inspectors. I pack them in ziplock bags that have the contents written on them in red marker. That way I pack what it says on the bag and put them in bags or boxes that get shipped.

Traveling light takes a bit of planning, but your arms and back will thank you.

--Quinn McDonald is spending two weeks teaching five courses in six days and two time zones.

Belonging to Professional Organizations

An association headquartered in Alexandria, VA. Many associations need corrections, although that’s not what this one does. Used under a Creative Commons agreement. Photo by afagan.

You have a list of them on your resume. Professional organizations. If you are an artist, you belong to art organizations, if you develop and teach training programs, you probably belong to a training association. (All associations seem to have an office in Alexandria, VA. I’m not sure if it’s for lobbying ease, or just because some of the best food is in Old Town.)

At their best, organizations help you learn more about your craft or profession, help you associate with people with your interests, help you discover a mentor, and keep you informed about changes in your field.

At worst, associations push you to “certify” in the field for a large amount of money, generally paid by your corporation. Certification generally requires some steps that also cost money, and (again, at worst) don’t increase your skills much.

I’m noticing a trend among professional associations to assume there is a large business writing the membership and certification class checks. Entrepreneurs, small businesses, and individuals are being shunted aside for the bigger fish. This diminishes the association’s reach.

Ying Lowrey, in an article for the IRS entitled “U.S. Sole Proprietorships, A Gender Comparison, 1985-2000“, says, “While the total number of sole proprietorship businesses increased by 49.4 percent between 1985 and 2000, the growth for female sole proprietorships (81.5 percent) was more than twice that of male sole proprietorships (38.9 percent).”

I’ve dropped out of several associations because I can’t regularly attend meetings, or because the focus of the association has shifted to corporate concerns.

While it’s smart to fish where the fish are big and biting, I think it’s a fundamental mistake to ignore the entrepreneur, the sole-proprietor business. Often these small, nimble businesses have the ideas that committees can’t birth, and can roll out services and products faster than a company that must get approval in six departments first.

So, associations–lower your fees for sole-proprietors and include them in your training, programs, and development plans. You will have a loyal group that breathes fresh air into meetings and committees.

—Quinn McDonald is a sole-proprietor of QuinnCreative. She offers creativity coaching, business communications and writing classes and art journaling workshops.

Videos, The Stumbling Block

Everyone is doing videos. Studio videos, tutorials, teaching videos. That’s a good thing. Showing how something works in actual motion is a great help to creativity.

So why don’t I love videos? I’ve been trying to figure it out for years. I have learned the basics, although David Lynch doesn’t have much to fear. Using photographs, using movement, I’ve worked on a few videos. I even admit to liking this one.

So what’s not to like? Unlike a book, I can’t stick a bookmark on a page. I can’t use a sticky note and write “use this glue on photograph collage” and stick in in place on the video. Yes, of course I can open a spread sheet, and keep track of the times in instructional videos that I want to re-watch. That, however, is exhausting me just thinking about it.

I also can’t prop a video open on my desk and follow along, getting my hands messy and then stop it till I catch up.

Yes, of course, a book is not a video. They have different advantages and disadvantages. And yes, I have to make some videos or I’ll be relegated to the dustbin of creativity.

Sometimes when I watch videos or art demos, and the artist spends many minutes at the beginning speaking about her background, her life, her inspiration before she gets around to the doing, I get impatient. In a book, I could flip ahead. Trickier in a video, in which you can skip ahead but not really see what you missed. There is no skimming in a video.

I couldn’t wait to get a Kindle, and it didn’t stop my love of real books. I appreciated the different purposes. But I’m still waiting to warm up to videos, and I know I must.

—Quinn McDonald is a creativity coach who wishes she could love videos more.

Social Media : Quality v. Quantity

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Flickr, Pinterest, Klout–your “popularity” is measured in many ways, but largely in how many people follow you and how many you follow. Not how good the relationship is, not how many people de-friend you half an hour after you accepted their request, but quantity.

Unfollowing is fine. Image from http://tinyurl.com/d3pmgcr

Klout is interested in how much you post and how many people re-post. And we take the bait. We want to be popular. We want to be recognized–Klout has pure genius behind it. In ways they will not tell you, but will gather lots of information about you, they create a number and then tell you how you can make it higher. I’ve gotten more Klout requests from people I don’t know than I have from any other social media. We are hungry for popularity.

It’s easy to mistake quantity for quality, but the essential difference lies in connection. In relationships. In being with people around whom you can be authentic and be accepted, not for whom you have to act in ways that allow you to be approved.

How do you find those people you want to build a relationship with? Easier than you think. First of all, think quality–what these people offer to others. Would you bring someone into your house who trashes people in public? Who does nothing but market his/her product or service? For whom conversation is them-to-you only, never you-to-them?  Don’t follow them either. Even if they have 30,000 followers.  They can’t keep up with all of them; most likely you aren’t The One.

Other suggestions:

1. Before you follow back on Twitter, read the person’s bio and home page. The bio should be specific, not just cute. If the home page is loaded with mindless photos, requests for RTs, updates of their locations from 4Square, give them a pass. What will you learn, contribute to, or relate to from this person? A whole page is a good cross-section of their character for the day.

2. Check your values. I’m not talking about honesty, ethics, and courage, because they are easy to disguise or hide. I’m talking about characteristics that are important to you–comfortable shoes, spicy food, ability to listen to you rant without fixing. Those values are what you are looking for in a relationship, even online. Does the person’s posts express this?

If you follow someone and they immediately direct or private message you with a marketing offer, un-friend them. For them, you are a way to make money, not build a relationship.

3. On Facebook, the check is similar. A lot of those “Blah, blah, I know only 3% of you will have the guts to share this, but if you do. . . ” mean low content value, high popularity need.  A lot of links to  their Etsy sites and nothing else is a pass. People who never comment on your posts–is this a relationship? People who say they are thinning their FB friends and you should leave one word about them and then re-post, and then they will . . . .sigh. I un-friend them without a guilty thought.

So how do you find people you want to follow? Look at the friends of your friends. Look up authors you like of books you’ve read. If you read blogs, look at the blogroll. (Although a lot of blogs don’t have them anymore). But before you decide on anyone, read what they post. We are what we post.

–-Quinn McDonald is a creativity coach and writer who keeps an art journal.

Five Tips to Improve Your Social Networking

First, you have to know I’m not a self-proclaimed social networking guru, genius, or miracle maker. I’m a writer, and social networking is largely about writing well. Whether you are a beginner or have been on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Goodreads, Tumblr, Flickr and Pinterest as soon as they launched, these quick tips will make you better at it. Some of the tips may be completely opposite to what you’ve heard. Writers learn differently from other people.

I love this image, but I still believe content is king. Image: http://www.digitopoly.org

1. Social Networking is about content. Cheap, starchy filler may attract followers, but it won’t keep them. Choose something you know about and care about and stick to writing about that.  At a book signing, I heard Martha Beck say, “Information is not power anymore. Attention span is power.” Content commands attention. Comment communicates.

2. Be curious about the world. No one loves a know-it-all. Even if you are an expert, there is plenty left to learn. Keep reading, keep researching, keep being curious. Learn from your readers and your audience. It’s contagious and your readers will love it.

3. Deliver what you promise. If you write a how-to article, make sure you show your readers how to do it. Too many articles that promise “how” simply tell you “what.” Be specific. Include steps. Imagine your how-to article being used to train your dog. If the dog is off chasing a squirrel at the end of the article, you either have a lab or your article needs re-writing.

4. Don’t be a tease. Tweets or Facebook posts that start, “Check this out. . .” or “Here’s what I think. . .” and then a link is not nearly as fascinating as you hoped. Give people a reason to click, a juicy temptation to leave the page they are on. And reward their decision with a great photo or article.

5. Don’t link all your accounts. Twitter is a different medium than Tumblr or Pinterest. If your audience overlaps, they really don’t need to see the same thing twice. Or six times. Automatically re-posting your Tweets on Facebook insults your friends and confuses your audience. If you are too lazy to re-write for a different audience and a different objective, do not expect your audience to find you fascinating.

A bonus tip: Size isn’t everything, particularly in audience numbers. Having a huge number of followers and thinking they care about you is the same as standing on top of the Chase building in Phoenix and thinking you are influencing the Valley just because you can see from Goodyear to Gilbert.

Social networking is about influence, and that’s not necessarily about numbers, it’s about what those numbers do, think or say.

—Quinn McDonald is a writer who finds social media fascinating, weird, unpredictable and wonderful, frequently simultaneously.

Setting Boundaries: Hard, but Worth It

The life of a freelancer is full of pitfalls. It’s also a wonderful way to work if you are determined and strong. In yesterday’s post, I talked about guidelines for taking on a job. I missed a lot of the warning signs and had to quit a job. Today, I’m talking about boundaries necessary for a freelancer to establish a healthy relationship with a client.

I have many wonderful clients in my life; I’ve been fortunate to have a long line of great clients. But the freelance relationship needs boundaries to make it work, and when I don’t enforce them, I wind up in trouble. Here are some rules I’ve learned to set. Sometimes I’ve learned them over and over again.

1. The best a client is going to treat you is when they want you to take the job. If they are angry, shifting blame, or unclear then, it will only get worse. Smile, thank them, and leave. Fast.

You can build your own boundary, of your own design. It has to work for you, it's not meant to work for others. It does have to be fair. Image from coolboom.com

2. Set boundaries early on. Boundaries help keep your hands and decisions clean. Be clear. “I don’t work on weekends, so getting me the team materials on Friday afternoon and having it due on Monday won’t work for me.” You get to choose and set your boundaries. Your boundaries should be fair, simple, and clear.

3. Expect push-back on your boundaries. The client may think all freelancers work from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. each night and both days all weekend. The client may want to treat you as an employee, but without the benefits. The client absolutely doesn’t understand how freelancing works–that you get paid only for times you are working, and waiting doesn’t count.

The client generally doesn’t understand that you have other clients for whom you are also doing rush work, and can’t push it aside every time they phone. Everyone always knows his job better than anyone else, and you know freelance.

Your boundaries have to reflect your reality. Often it’s like explaining to a horse what a hamburger tastes like–an exercise in futility. That why boundaries are practical–they require enforcing, not explanations.

Surveying the boundaries to keep them in place. Image: enterconstruction.com

4. Don’t change your boundaries. Even if you want to be nice. Even if you want to please the client. Even if sucking up is in your DNA. Once you change the boundaries, the client will know they are paper boundaries, not brick boundaries. Boundaries protect your strength and your ability to work hard when you are working on that project. Backing off on the boundaries encourages the client to engage in scope-creep (asking for more and more for the same price and deadline). Pretty soon you’ll be giving up your kidney.

5. It’s OK to stick to your rules, even when the client doesn’t like you. The client doesn’t like you because you are sticking to your sensible rules. You chose them because they are sensible and healthy. Expect accusations like “you aren’t a team player!” or “I’m really disappointed in you!” or “You are not professional!”  or “That’s industry standard.” When those accusations are hurled at you it’s a good time to remember that we often accuse people of faults we have ourselves.

Stand your ground.

Create your own list of non-negotiable demands and boundaries. Make them fair. Then stick to them. If you get bowled over, outvoted, and threatened with public disgrace, take those threats seriously. You may have to walk away from the job.

Quitting or firing a client lets you leave a lost battle before you get burned. If you stay, you’ll not only get burned, you will also have to dig through your charred remains, searching for your soul.

Quinn McDonald sets boundaries, but will always need practice in enforcing them.