Ethics: Write and Wrong

A creativity coaching client of mine bought me an interesting ethics question. I asked if I could tap into my super-smart  readers/commentors for help, and got the green light.

Brilliant idea. Except I didn't have the idea first. As far as I know, here is the first place to use this idea: http://www.files.chem.vt.edu

Background: You are asked to review a book on your blog and on amazon. The author is someone you have known for several years, largely through websites and occasional emails,  but is not a friend. You feel you owe her (for a favor received) and agree. After reading the book, you realize that there are large parts of the book that seem to be more about marketing the author’s services than dealing strictly with the book topic.

Question: Do you review the book or decline, because you don’t agree with all that marketing?

Options discussed:
Praise what works in the book, ignore the rest. You aren’t a professional critic, you are just offering some help here for a favor received. (Will this damage your reputation?)

Give your opinion, exactly as you believe it. After all, a review is just that, not a promise of blog love. (Will this damage your relationship?)

Write the author, and say you can’t review the book, blame it on your schedule. (Are you OK with this story as a social lie?)

Write the author, and say you can’t review the book because you don’t agree with it, but assure her that her opinion is just different than yours. (Will this damage your relationhsip?)

Leave a comment:
What would you advise? You don’t have to choose any of the above, it’s just a way to give you some ideas about topics that have been discussed. The only request is to suggest only the course of action you would be willing to take yourself.

-–Quinn McDonald teaches ethics and loves listening to ideas about right and wrong. She believes there is very little black and white, and a whole lot of gray in real life.

It’s Just a Game, So Vote

Red herring from TribalPundit.com

You’ve had it happen frequently–a friend asks you to vote for his dog, song, design, story, or dance  so he can win a prize. You go to vote, because your friend is, well, your friend. When you arrive at the voting place, your friend’s entry is clearly not the best. Do you still support your friend?

Well, that’s what friends are for, right? I’m having some trouble with this. If the competition is for talent or skill, is it fair to turn it into a popularity contest? Wouldn’t it be easier to call it that, and eliminate the red herring of a talent contest?

A few months ago, the Desert Botanical Garden sponsored a free wedding, much like the Today show does. And, just as happens on the Today show, the bride and groom enlisted their friends who have time and can vote multiple times. The public vote was supposed to choose the “deserving” couple, but we know from the beginning that the couple with the most friend and family members are going to enlist the gang to vote for them. Even a simple switch to make it possible to vote only once would help even the odds.

To me is seems like a wink and a nod at cheating, at encouraging people to enlist their friends to help them win something that may not be theirs–and while I don’t mind the weddings, it does bother me when talent is involved. What do you think? Is enlisting your friends to swing the vote the American way, or is it unethical?

–Quinn McDonald is a writer, artist and creativity coach who spends a lot of time wondering about ethical dilemmas when two right choices are involved–it’s fine to support your friends, but it’s also fine to want your vote to go to the top talent.

Fear and the Freelancer

Freelancers make a basic decision before they ever open the door:  What the core principles and values will be that holds up the company.  You use the same principles you use for your personal life. When you own the business, it takes on your fingerprints.

Some of the values were easy for me to choose when I began: Be honest. Be fair. Ask before you

Fear is never a silent partner, accept it and will own your business.

spend the client’s money. Don’t jump to conclusions. Listen.

Then came the giant one: no fear. Do not make business decisions out of fear. Don’t make any decision out of fear.

It’s hard to keep that one. I had made business decisions based in fear for a long time–fear of my boss, fear of not being perfect, fear of being talked about behind my back, fear of people disliking me, fear of getting fired. And it was that fear that made me a lousy corporate employee. So, on my own, I decided–no fear. I decided to stand and deliver my best or turn down the business. Sounds easier than it is.

There are plenty of things to be afraid of when you own your business–not making a profit, getting underbid, outperformed and over cautious. But fear was the big “Aha!” in my business life.

A decision based on fear is frequently loaded with other weak motives. Revenge, neediness, lack of control. If you take fear off the table, you get a different picture.

“What if my competition underbids me?” Became “How much do I need to earn to make a fair profit and do the job well?” If it costs me $10,000 to do the job, and I underbid on purpose and then get the job for $8,000, I am not getting an $8,000 job, I’m losing $2,000. That’s fear.

“I hate Client X, she’s always blaming me for her own mistakes.” I can choose
to work with Client X and be clear on responsibilities or I can pass on the job. But if I continue to let her blame me for her own mistakes, I’m letting fear make my decisions. At the end of the job, she’ll either blame me anyway or I won’t respect myself for taking on blame that isn’t mine.

Fear undermines us. It justifies bad behavior. It is the road to the collapse of self-respect. I can’t live my life without fear, but there are a million great reasons to make decisions and always one lousy one–I did it because I was scared.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer and creativity coach. (c) 2009-2010 Image: © Quinn McDonald. All rights reserved. No additional use without express permission of the artist.

Different? How Different?

There is a certain frisson in being different. Most of us really don’t want to be. We want to think we are different, but not actually be different. Different enough to still be interesting, maybe eccentric, but not stand-alone different. There is fear in having to explain ourselves—and failing.

These arrows are on the front page of all my journals. They show movement in different directions, but without labels.

There was a recent uptick in “be different and proud” quotes on Twitter and it set me to thinking. As an artist, there is a certain threat level to being different. There are fads in supplies and techniques.  Several years ago, anyone who could push a thread through a bead became a “jewelry designer;” those with more patience and talent made amulet bags. If you didn’t make them, your talent was suspect—as if you hadn’t reached an expected artistic developmental stage.  In the collage world, there was a huge surge in using photographs of people,  topping heads with pointy hats and adding a bird somewhere in the collage. It  moved from being different to cliche, with defenders and detractors. “Different” varies from “early adapter” to “outsider artist. It’s hard to eat vision or to feel connected to your path when you are alone and a large group of successful others are pouring out the fad of the minute.

Being different in the corporate world doesn’t often win awards, eihter. I once refused to fire a writer who was labeled as different. He was serious, bright, and had a talent for concise, image-rich, clear prose that drove home a point.  He was also an introvert and overweight. The department head pointed it out as “not fitting in with our image” and urged me to fire the writer. I refused, pointing to the employee’s serious talent. Suddenly I was the one who didn’t fit in, who refused to do as told, who had defied a supervisor’s order. Within six months, I was called in for a review and told, “You are different and seem to enjoy it.” It wasn’t a compliment, and I was pushed out of the company. To my satisfaction, the good writer remained.

It’s hard being different if it affects your livelihood or your ethics. It’s easier to go along to get along. Being different isn’t a label; it’s is a daily decision-making process that balances providing for your family, being accepted by your friends, and standing up for what you believe. Sometimes that can be quite lonely. It can cost you a client or friends. You doubt yourself. You struggle with the possibility that you are simply wrong.

We live in a world of image, driven by consumer values. There is huge pressure to be accepted, to fit in, to have supporters, successful Facebook “Like” pages, Re-tweets. Do you express your opinion if it is different from your client’s and she is expressing hers as the right opinion? Do you stay silent? What about a friend’s veiled slur against a religion?  What if it is your religion? What about a snarky remark about looks? Weight? Who do you defend, except yourself? We make small decisions every day, and they shape our character, our jobs, our lives. Be careful of the little ones. They change the shape of your soul.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer, artist, and life- and certified creativity coach. © 2010 All rights reserved.