Real-Life Affirmations

It’s time for some tough love. Affirmations have gotten a bad name, and reading through a lot of them for this article, I can see why.  We’re encouraged to chant lies at ourselves in the mirror. “I can do anything I put my mind to.” No, you cannot. Here’s an example: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austrian body-builder and current governor of California, might want to be President of the U.S., but he can put his mind to it all he wants, he’s

 

Taming Your Gremlin by Richard D. Carson

 

not going to be President. He wasn’t born in the U.S. and unless the Constitution changes, he’s got to settle for something less.Some positions and careers are out of our reach, and the sooner we get realistic, the faster we an set realistic goals–big ones, tough ones, to be sure, but realistic ones.

“I deserve respect and all good things,” sounds hollow in the mouth of a banker who lied about mortgage loans and sent half his clients into bankruptcy.

It’s time for tough-love affirmations. Ones that feel real to you, that inspire you because they are based in your truth and seem possible, even if they are hard. No cheap, starchy filler in these soul-supporting challenges.

“Universe–you supply the quantity, I’ll handle the quality.”
“All prayers are answered. Sometimes the answer is ‘no’.”
“I am in charge of my happiness. . . .what can I do to have more?”

 

Red ball, green lawn.

 

The purpose of affirmations is to change negative thoughts to positive thoughts. This takes persistence. Lots of persistence. The first thing my coaching clients say is, “If the universe wants me to have it, it will deliver it to me.” Really? If that were true, then the universe must want me to have bills, because that’s the only thing that gets delivered to my house. Food, gas for the car, clothing—none of those show up at my front door on their own. Neither does happiness and success, they both take effort, planning and work.  I believe in the universe, but I don’t believe in the fairy goduniverse.

The next thing my coaching clients say is, “I can’t replace the negative thoughts. You can’t get rid of a thought.” So I ask them to try something. You can do it right now. Close your eyes and imagine a red rubber ball rolling on a green lawn on a sunny day. Can you see it, rolling down the slight slope? Ahhh, nice. Now, think of a $20 bill. See the rectangular shape and the fancy number “20″ in

 

That's Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.

 

each corner? The man on the front is Andrew Jackson–a long face, full white head of hair. See it? Great.  Ummm, what happened to the ball?

Yep, you replaced one thought with another. You can change your thoughts, you just did. And you can use positive thoughts to change negative thoughts.

Now, what are your real-life, no-nonsense, get-tough affirmations? Leave them in the comments section and I’ll choose a winner and send him/her a copy of Taming Your Gremlin: A Guide to Enjoying Yourself by Richard D. Carson. It’s a short, illustrated book to help you get rid of negative self talk. That’s the cover, up at the top of the blog.

Let’s hear those tough-love affirmations. . .

Contest winner: Susan at OrganicsYes is the winner! (Drawn at random). Send me your address, and I’ll send you the book!

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach and writer.

Nicer Voices in Your Head

Yesterday, I started a story about the negative chatter we all have in our head. Mine was running my life. It was negating what I was learning from books. When I was reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, I loved it. But afterwards, my negative self talk made me think the books was useless and being cynical was clever. Here, then, is what happened next. . .

Getting rid of negative chatter. . .
Once I started to meditate, I began to want the negative self-talk to stop. A friend suggested I replace the negative chatter with positive thoughts. Affirmations? Me? Impossible. Not me. I forced myself. “I am a creative person.” “I am good at problem solving.” “I am strong.” “I am talented.” At first, it seemed ridiculous, selfish, vain. Then I noticed that I WAS a good problem solver. People were asking me to help them with their problems.

. . . opens the door to powerful change
Something else happened. I began to lose the negativity I thought was part of me. I quit doing something I had always done well—using my wit to criticize others. . I stopped telling people why their idea wouldn’t work. I didn’t like the protection my public face gave me anymore. I wanted my life to contribute, not denegrate.

Visualize change, create change
Using the same technique I used for meditation, hushing my mind, I began to imagine situations that seemed hard to me. Speaking to people. Explaining what I do. In my imagination, the people smiled at me. They were happy with what they heard. I had something useful to say. The more positive things I imagined, the more positive things I noticed when I was in training sessions or at art shows.

Last October, on a cool, but sunny day, I recognized myself standing at an art show, laughing with some other artists. I was happy. It was exactly what I had envisioned in the leadership course from three years before.

Change isn’t instant, but it gets easier
Visualization works because you focus on what you can do to influence the outcome positively. And once you’ve envisioned something, you begin to work on making it happen. To make it happen, we push away the negative, and choose to replace it with positive thoughts and actions. The choices are sometimes hard, but they are fueled with small successes and moments of joy. Change does not happen in a day, or a week, but it grows with each decision you make to make a positive choice instead of a negative one.

The Alchemist returns
Eventually, I bought another copy of The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. It seemed to be a new book this time. Filled with deep truth in simple terms.

“The old man leafed through the book, and fell to reading a page he came to. The boy waited, and then interrupted the old man just as he himself had been interrupted. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because you are trying to realize your Personal Legend. And you are at the point where you’re about to give it all up.”
“And that’s when you always appear on the scene?”
“Not always in this way, but I always appear in one form or another. Sometimes I appear in the form of a solution, or a good idea. At other times, at a crucial moment, I make it easier for things to happen. There are other things I do, too, but most of the time, people don’t realize I’ve done them.” (p.25)

I finished reading the book and purchased 10 copies, which I’ve given away to people who want to transition into a different stage of their life. The negative self-talk will always be with you, but as a friend of mine says, “it’s always with me on the way to a show, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let it drive.”

–If you don’t want to tackle learning how to meditate, you can start with daydreaming. It’s easy and you get great results. Tips for daydreaming. If you prefer to cut and paste into a browser, it’s here: http://quinncreative.com/id34.html