How to be a GrownUp at the Office Party

Every year, hundreds of well-meaning people jump off the career ladder and don’t know it. They attend the office holiday party and in one, epic-fail moment of misguided relaxation, kill their career. When the company dumps them right after New Year, they don’t remember that the problem started at the holiday party.

So let me be plain: Holiday parties are not for having fun. They are for proving you can behave well in public and know how to dress appropriately (Hint:  no flip-flops). Here, for those who may have trouble navigating the office party scene, some hints:

Don't play with the office ornaments.

1. Even if there is an open bar, do not have more than two drinks. Don’t drink often? One is plenty. A holiday party is not for losing your head or being the “real” you. At best it is a networking opportunity, at worst it is a chance to prove you can behave in public. Slurred speech, bleary eyes and loudly insisting you are “fine to drive” doesn’t fool anyone.

2. Crying, vomiting, or taking off any portion of your clothing is not part of a holiday party. It might have been fine at college. Work isn’t college. Stick to club soda or juice when you start to feel frisky and funny.

3. Unless you are a professional, do not give in to the urge to sing or dance on stage, with a microphone or in a spotlight. Cell phone cameras will have you on YouTube tomorrow, just when that company you submitted your resume to is checking your profile and finding the link.

4. Stay away from the copy machine. You don’t need to be there at an office party and the temptation to photocopy body parts increases with liquor consumption.

5. No matter how hot your boss’s spouse looks, not matter how

If you spill your drink, it's time to stop refilling it.

flirty the CEOs date, do not, under any circumstances, reply in kind. The bigger the age difference, the less you should engage them in any conversation. If you think I’m not serious, rent and watch an old movie called The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman.

6. Do not discuss your promotion or engage in self-promotion at the party. Of any kind. No bragging, no self-inflating. Do not take the opportunity to snark on anyone who isn’t there. No one likes to keep someone else’s ego inflated at the holiday part. Slimy behavior engages the karma wheel, which grinds exceeding fine.

7. This is not the time to pull off your glasses, fluff up your hair and be the inner animal you’ve always wanted to be. This is also not the time to wear anything that flashes, jingles, or glows in the dark. That’s for your own party, at another time. Wear party clothes that are appropriate for your age and figure. Spandex is tricky to wear and still be thought of as chic. The same is true for pink stretch fleece.

8. Avoid the person holding the camera or video equipment. If they ask you to do the solo from “Billy Elliot,” the full-body spelling of Y.M.C.A., or the hysterical imitation of the guy in accounting, feign ignorance, even if you have left people in the kitchen in stitches with the routine. (See warning in #3, above.)

9. Don’t be the last one to leave. Do not be the first one to leave either. If figuring this out causes you a headache, put your drink down, switch to club soda.

10. Learn to enjoy yourself with all the restrictions. Sometimes that’s as good at is gets.

–Quinn McDonald has been to many holiday parties, some of which she would prefer not to remember. She is a writer and certified creativity coach who teaches Workplace Communication.

Holiday Party? How to Hold on to Your Job After the Party

Every year, hundreds of well-meaning people jump off the career ladder and don’t know it. They attend the office holiday party and in one, colossal moment of misguided relaxation, kill their career. When they let go, they don’t remember that the problem started at the holiday party.

So let me be plain: Holiday parties are not for having fun. They are for proving you can behave well in public and know how to dress appropriately (Hint:  no flip-flops). Here, for those who may have trouble navigating the office party scene, some hints:

1. Even if there is an open bar, do not have more than two drinks. Don’t drink often? One is plenty. A holiday party is not for losing control or letting go. At best it is a networking opportunity, at worst it is a chance to prove you can behave in public. Slurred speech, bleary eyes and loudly insisting you are “fine to drive” doesn’t fool anyone.

2. Crying, vomiting, or taking off any portion of your clothing is not part of a holiday party. Stick to club soda or juice when you start to feel frisky and funny.

3. Unless you are a professional, do not give in to the urge to sing or dance on stage, with a microphone or in a spotlight. Cell phone cameras will have you on YouTube tomorrow, just when that company you submitted your resume to is checking your profile and finding the link.

4. Stay away from the copy machine. You don’t need to be there at an office party and the temptation to photocopy body parts increases with liquor consumption.

5. No matter how hot your boss’s spouse looks, not matter how flirty the CEOs date, do not, under any circumstances, reply in kind. The bigger the age difference, the less you should engage them in any conversation. If you think I’m not serious, rent and watch an old movie called The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman.

6. Do not discuss your promotion or engage in self-promotion at the party. Of any kind. Do not take the opportunity to snark on anyone who isn’t there. No one likes to keep someone else’s ego inflated at the holiday part. Slimy behavior engages the karma wheel.

7. This is not the time to pull off your glasses, fluff up your hair and be the inner animal you’ve always wanted to be. This is also not the time to wear anything that flashes, jingles, or glows in the dark. That’s for your own party, at another time. Wear party clothes that are appropriate for your age and figure. Spandex is tricky to wear and still be thought of as chic.

8. Avoid the person holding the camera or video equipment. If they ask you to do the solo from “Evita,” the full-body spelling of Y.M.C.A., or the hysterical imitation of the guy in accounting, feign ignorance, even if you have left people in the kitchen in stitches with the routine. (See warning in #3, above.)

9. Don’t be the last one to leave. Do not be the first one to leave either. If figuring this out causes you a headache, put your drink down, switch to club soda.

10. Learn to enjoy yourself with all the restrictions. Sometimes that’s as good at is gets.

Images: martini glass: midwestdiva.blogspot.com ornaments: http://www.jewelry-gift-boxes.com

–Quinn McDonald has been to many holiday parties, some of which she would prefer not to remember. She is a writer and certified creativity coach who teaches Workplace Communication.

Alone, Lonely, and in Public

Even if you live in single bliss, the holiday season brings out the fact that you are  a.l.o.n.e. You step into a room filled with laughing family members, a catering hall decorated in sparkly lights of your office party, or a hotel function room awash in crushed velvet and satin of a charity ball. . .and you suddenly feel glaringly unattached.

"Good Cheers" by Brad Perks

You are immediately galvanized with the feeling that you have no one to pretend to talk to, no one who will get you a drink, no one to help you cover your alone-ness. And suddenly, you hate being alone. It feels akward, clumsy and anti-social. You suddenly feel everything is wrong about you, from your height to your shoes. Now what?

Take a big, deep breath. No, really. A deep breath–in through the nose, out through the mouth–dispels nerves and helps you stand up straight, improving confidence.

Rehearse what you do not want to say. Before you go to the event, think of the three things that you might be asked that would make you most uncomfortable. This will vary from “When are you and X getting married?” from your aunt to “Did you ever get that award you were up for?” from your office rival.  Prepare answers that are bland, not snarky. It helps if the answer also deflects attention back to the person you are talking to.

Old Town Alexandria lights from About.

In the case of your aunt, you might say, “We have discussed it but haven’t come up with an answer yet, but tell me, where did you get those earrings?”  In the case of the rival, you can say, “Not this year, but there’s always the Y award. What are you doing for the holidays?” The question you ask should be something easy and pleasant for the other person to answer.

Rehearse what you do want to say. If you are a news junkie, you are ready to go. If not, check out the paper or websites for sports, news, or popular culture headlines. Remember enough facts to start a conversation. If you are not a sports fan, get a fact you can ask a question on, rather than make a statement. “ Wonder why Arn Tellem is stirring it up?” is a better question than “Who does Arn Tellem think he is, risking his career and the Braves image?” People will love to give their opinion to educate you. One word of warning: do not express strong opinions on news topics as an opening line. It kicks the conversation to a fevered pitch too quickly. And you might look extreme.

People really aren’t looking at you. You might feel that way, but most people are concerned about their own appearance and behavior. Think of a few phrases that make others feel comfortable. These do not need to be topical or brilliant. Topics that work are the weather, the decorations, the food, traffic, or local events. Except for the weather and traffic,  this opening comment should be favorable and friendly.

Don’t wait for help. Introduce yourself. Even people who are good with names blank out. Introduce yourself with your name. If you think the person doesn’t remember you at all, add the connection. “Hi, I’m X, we met at the YZ fund raiser,” is much better than “We used to work together.” Never, ever say, “I bet you don’t remember me,” or “Do you remember my name?” It makes people uncomfortable and opens up the opportunity for them to ask, “Should I?”

Use the bathroom as exercise location. Nerves build up. They dispel themselves with use. Go to the bathroom, and stretch. Reach your hands over your head. Yawn to relax your facial muscles. Touch your toes, or do other reasonable stretching moves.

Smile. Heading into a room with a determined look on your face can make people steer away from you. Smile as if you are seeing someone over at the bar, head there because there is always someone you can greet at the bar. A drink (non-alcoholic works, too) gives your hands something to hold. Hold it in your left hand, so your right will be dry and warm for greetings.

–Quinn McDonald is a life- and creativity coach who helps people find and follow their goals. (c) 2008 All right reserved.

How to Keep Your Job After the Christmas Party

Every year, hundreds of well-meaning people jump off the career ladder and don’t know it. They attend the office holiday party and in one, colossal moment of stupidity, kill their career advancement at the company. Holiday parties are not for having fun. They are for proving you can behave well in public and know how to dress in something else other than flip-flops. Here, for those who may have trouble navigating the party, some hints:

1. Even if there is an open bar, do not have more than two drinks. One drink, if you don’t drink often. This party is not about you, it is about your conduct in public. Slurred speech, bleary eyes and loudly insisting you are “fine to drive” doesn’t fool anyone.

2. Crying, vomiting, or taking off any portion of your clothing is not part of social drinking. Stick to club soda or juice when you start to feel frisky and funny.

3. Unless you are a professional, do not give in to the urge to sing or dance on stage, with a microphone or in a spotlight. Cell phone cameras will have you on YouTube tomorrow, just when that company you submitted your resume to is checking your profile and finding the link.

4. Stay away from the copy machine. You don’t need to be there at an office party

5. No matter how hot your boss’s spouse looks, not matter how flirty the CEOs date, do not, under any circumstances, reply in kind. The bigger the age difference, the less you should engage them in any conversation. If you think I’m not serious, rent and watch an old movie called The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman.

6. Do not discuss your promotion or engage in self-promotion at the party.

7. This is not the time to pull off your glasses, fluff up your hair and be the inner animal you’ve always wanted to be. This is also not the time to wear anything that flashes, jingles, or glows in the dark. That’s for your own party, at another time. Wear your conservative work clothes.

8. Avoid the person holding the camera or video equipment. If they ask you to do the solo from “Evita,” the full-body spelling of Y.M.C.A., or the hysterical imitation of the guy in accounting, feign ignorance, even if you have left people in the kitchen in stitches with the routine. (See warning in #3, above.)

9. Don’t be the last one to leave.

10. Learn to enjoy yourself with all the restrictions. Sometimes that’s as good at is gets.

Images: martini glass: midwestdiva.blogspot.com ornaments: http://www.jewelry-gift-boxes.com

–Quinn McDonald has been to many holiday parties, some of which she would prefer not to remember. She is a writer and certified creativity coach. See her work at QuinnCreative.com (c) 2007 All rights reserved.