Saying “No” to a Freelance Job

The value of "no" from incedogroup.com

If you are a freelancer–writer, designer, event manager–you have had to say “no” to a client. It’s hard, particularly if you like the client, need the work, or find the work interesting. If you feel yourself overworked, exhausted, or frustrated, here are some times you have to say “no.”

1. There isn’t enough money for you to make a profit. Your time is worth money. In America, time is money. If you take a job that doesn’t pay you what you are worth, you will have trouble making the mortgage on time and paying the bills. “Some money is better than no money,” is an excuse I hear all the time. It may not be. If you are working on a job that underpays, you are missing the chance to bid on the jobs that pay well. Jobs that underpay keep you working longer hours every day. Cure: don’t lower your prices to get the job. Under-bid and the amount you quote is how your client sees you. You will be stuck at that price point.

Time moves at different speeds for client and freelancer. Image: Trade King, http://tinyurl.com/7pvapn3

2. There isn’t enough time to do the job well. Freelancers are often called in when the company with the job didn’t plan well, or has run out of time. Beware the time-crunch job. Many companies believe that freelancers work only at night and on weekends. They become offended when you don’t want to work from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. on their job. In 25 years of writing for other people I have learned one truth over and over: You hand in that rush job on time, squeaking under the deadline. You are a hero, you think. You nailed the deadline. Wrong. Once the deadline has been met, the priority immediately shifts to quality. And if you don’t have it, you won’t get paid.  Cure: Quality is your first responsibility. If you can’t deliver quality within the deadline, turn down the job.

3. You are asked to take less pay this time, and the company will “make it up” on the next job. Just say no. This has never happened in the history of the universe. Why would a company that knows you will work for $X an hour one time, pay you $2X the next time?  You will hear the same story the next time, and the time after. The person who says it may mean it, but they aren’t the decision makers. And in the end, they will leave, and not be around when the next job is discussed. Cure: If you have done a project for less money before, remind the client that this is the time you need more money. If this is the first time they ask, tell them as much as you would like to take less money, you simply can’t. Don’t explain or talk about your finances. You deserve good money for hard work.

From projectscopecreep.com

4. The job suffers from “scope creep” in a strict budget. You are asked to quote the job. You hand in a proposal. The budget it set. Two weeks into the project, the project grows a new arm and leg, and you are asked to cover those, too. Without extra pay. Cure: Cover yourself quickly by discussing how you will handle scope creep in the original proposal. Present a list of tasks you will do and a second list of those not included. Add a paragraph that says if the project expands, you will stop work and submit a new budget for approval. Then stick to it. Nothing frees up money than stopping the work. If you don’t manage scope creep early, you will never make a profit as a freelancer.

5. The client doesn’t return emails or phone calls in the proposal stage. The time a client will treat you best is when they want you to work for them. If they don’t return your calls or emails, it’s a sign of the lack of communication you will experience for the entire job. When the job is then late, it will be your fault. The cure: set deadlines for replying to emails or phone calls. “Please let me know by Friday if  X is what you are looking for,” is one way to help your client set priorities that match yours.

–Quinn McDonald is a freelance writer who has made all the above mistakes more than once. She’s like to help other freelancers avoid them.

Supporting Your Boundaries

Warped fence, © Quinn McDonald

Boundaries. Not international lines, borders, or fences, but personal boundaries. The ones that define our privacy, and draw the emotional line on what we will and will not do.

Many reasons for the difficulty in holding up emotional boundaries are the same as maintaining physical boundaries–we want to defend our space and control it, we don’t like the people on the other side, and they want what we have. No wonder it feels like a struggle–it is.

I’d like to suggest another perspective on the emotional boundaries we set. One of compassion and kindness. Those two words aren’t generally associated with boundaries, are they?

Here’s how we set boundaries that don’t work:

• We decide we don’t want to participate in some activity–ours or someone else.
• We say “No” and make up a reason we believe the other person will accept.
• The other person doesn’t accept the reason and tells us about their own frustration or anger.
• We weaken because our first impulse is to fix everyone else.
• We weaken more because our other first impulse is to be liked.
• We move the boundaries and do what others want.
• We are filled with rage and explode and someone who was not involved or someone helpless who won’t hurt us.

Any surprise we walk around in anger and guilt with no boundaries? It’s too hard to make them

Scroll fence © Quinn McDonald

work in the first place. Not is we come from the other perspective–that of kindness. When we set a boundary of compassion and kindness, we protect not only ourselves, but also the other person from being an abuser–the thing that makes us so angry, feeling abused.

Here is how boundary setting looks if we approach it from kindness:

1. Check if the request is a trigger to anger, guilt, sickness, or spreading sickness  (emotional, spiritual or physical pain). This includes everything from a temptation to gossip to an invitation to take support someone else’s problems–binge drinking, let’s say.

2. Say “no” or set the boundary with kindness but no explanation.

3. Offer no details. When asked to explain yourself, say, simply ‘That’s not possible for me right now.” Remember, no reason is good enough for the other person who is manipulating you to do what they want. You will have to repeat this step often, under incredible duress. Our culture has removed the right to privacy and you are replacing it. This is not considered normal.

Gate with flower petals. © Quinn McDonald

4. Be prepared for emotional attack. The other person will now load their emotional weapons with anything that will get you to change your mind. It may start small, but it escalates to the heavy stuff right away. “You are so selfish.” “I thought you loved me.” “All of us thought you were a team player.” “I always knew you were a bitch/bastard.” This part goes on until you meet their demands, no matter how unreasonable. No explanation on your part will change the other person’s mind. Their entire focus is to get you to remove the boundary. They use words of anger and guilt.

5. Remember the kindness of the boundary. You placed that boundary for a good reason. It stops the other person from abusing you. It removes the other person’s partner in the manipulation game, which requires two to play. Or it stops you from abusing yourself, from feeling anger and guilt. That is the kindness. That is the reason for the boundary. It is reason enough to keep it. Most people want to be accepted, loved, appreciated– to be part of the group, to go along to get along. Your boundary may have cut you off from what your group thinks is OK.

6. Offer something you can do that represents who you are, what is good and healthy for you. “I can’t come to babysit your kids tonight, but I can take them out for lunch tomorrow.” This may be rejected, and with anger. It’s OK to hold on to what you want.

7. Tell the other person you are ending the discussion. Do it kindly. “This isn’t getting anything productive done. I’m sorry I can’t do what you want. I’m going to leave/hangup/stop emailing/texting now.” Then do that. Expect some anger and backlash, maybe even a mutual friend being involved. The more people want you to participate in their story, the more they will try to break down the barrier. The more sure you are of your reasons, the more you can defend it.

I know I’m making this sound like a battle for your soul, when maybe your barrier was simply turning down an invitation to go shopping because you didn’t want to go the store right now. Didn’t have time. Don’t like the store or trying on clothing under fluorescent lights. It is good to explore your own motivation, but you are entitled to determine how to fill your time to suit your own emotional and spiritual growth. And stick with it.

–Quinn McDonald is a life- and creativity coach who works with individuals, businesses and groups to help them set boundaries.

The Trick to Saying “No”

Over the last few days, I’ve been inundated with requests for help from clients, almost-clients, and never-will-be-clients. All of them wanted a fast turnaround. All of them have gotten quick responses from me before. And none of them knew that I was in the middle of a project that was sucking up time faster than a Shop-Vac sucks up tacks, a project that demanded lots of focus and came with a built-in tight deadline.

I begged off two projects only to get hurt emails back, insisting I help and pointing to some wince-inducing guilt lurking off-stage.

Several years ago I piled on a bad mix of too much paying and non-paying work and ended up slathered in humiliation and unfinished, promised work. Not wanting to do that again, I gathered up my coaching stamina and skills. . .and stayed up till 3 a.m. for three nights doing everything so people would like me. Damn. Personal growth can be a bitch.

Here’s what I learned. (I hate learning while it’s going on; afterwards, it’s always worthwhile. But when i see a learning experience coming on, I cringe.)

–When people ask me to re-write something,  they think it will take 10 minutes. It doesn’t. It takes 3 hours. When I sweat over it for 3 hours and they tell me I missed the deadline, I sigh. When they add “I just spiked your email, you were late,” I stuff down rage.

Lesson learned: When I open the email request, I send back an email that says, “This will take me 3 hours, and I can get to it next week. Is that all right?” The return email says, “I thought it would take 10 minutes, I just want you to glance at it and give me advice,” I reply, “Nope, that’s 3 hours. Next week OK?” The key is to stick to the time YOU know it will take you and define a time you will deliver the finished product. Figure accurately the time when you can get to it. Let the requester decide if that fits their deadline. If they tell you they need it sooner, you can honestly say you are booked. That’s the point where you started.

–In an ideal world, people get their work done before the deadline. In my world, I get requests to look at this “right away.” If I’m jammed up myself, I make up mean thoughts of their inconsiderate selves.  In reality, they aren’t thinking of me at all, they are trying to get something done. Back goes an email, “I’m jammed up right now, I can get to this in three days.” You have to stand up for yourself. Without making up ugly stuff about your colleagues. Just stick to the facts.

Lesson learned: Be honest with yourself first, then your client. That way “no” feels better coming out of your mouth.

If you don’t want to do it, simply say “I can’t take this on right now.” You don’t have to offer more explanation. That’s hard, because we want people to like us and tell us it’s all right. But people are not concerned about what we want, they are concerned about what they want. Which is why they don’t care once you’ve said “no.” It’s amazing how well it works

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach who is still learning, and plans on making a life out of learning. You can see her work at Rawartjournaling.com

Saying “No” and Keeping the Client Relationship

There are times in your freelance career when all of your clients seem to converge on your at once.  All of them needed a fast turnaround. All of them have gotten quick responses from you before. And none of them knew you were in the middle of a project that was sucking up time faster than a Shop-Vac sucks up dust bunnies, on a project that demanded focus and came with a tight deadline.

You beg off two projects only to get hurt or angry emails, insisting you help and pointing to some guilt lurking off-stage that guarantees wincing on your part.

Several years ago I accepted too much paying and non-paying work and paid the price of humiliation and unfinished, promised work. Not wanting to do that again, I gathered up my coaching stamina and skills. . .and stayed up till 3 a.m. for three nights doing everything so people would like me. Damn. Personal growth can be a bitch.

Here’s what I learned. (I hate learning while it’s going on; afterwards, it’s always worthwhile. But when i see a learning experience coming on, I cringe.)

–People who don’t do your work invariably underestimate how much time and effort is involved. You cannot explain it because they don’t want to listen, they want results.

–When people ask you to re-write something,  they think it will take 10 minutes. It doesn’t. It takes 3 hours. When you open the email request,  send back an email that says, “This will take me 3 hours, and I can get to it next week. Is that all right?” When you get back an email that says, “I thought it would take 10 minutes, I just want you to glance at it and give me advice,” reply, “Nope, that’s 3 hours. Next week OK?” The key is to stick to the time it will take you and when you can get to it. Let the requester decide if that fits their deadline. If they tell you they need it sooner, you can honestly say you are booked. That’s the point where you started.

–In an ideal world, people get their work done before the deadline. In my world, I get requests to look at this “right away.” If I’m jammed up myself, I make up bad pictures of them thinking I have nothing to do and how inconsiderate is that? In reality, they aren’t thinking of me at all, they are trying to get something done. Back goes an email, “I’m jammed up right now, I can get to this in three days.” You have to stand up for yourself. Without making up ugly stuff about your colleagues. Just stick to the facts.

If you don’t want to do it, simply say “I can’t take this on right now.” You don’t have to offer more explanation. That’s hard, because we want people to like us and tell us it’s all right. But people are not concerned about what we want, they are concerned about what they want. Which is why they don’t care once you’ve said “no.” It’s amazing how well it works

If only I could follow my own advice. Meanwhile, you are free to try it out.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach who is still learning, and plans on making a life out of learning. You can see her work at QuinnCreative.com

Boundaries: Deadlines, “No,” and Speaking Up for Yourself

Over the last few days, I’ve been inundated with requests for help from friends, almost-family, and colleagues. All of them needed a fast turnaround. All of them have gotten quick responses from me before. And none of them knew that I was in the middle of a project that was sucking up time faster than a Shop-Vac sucks up dust bunnies, on a project that demanded focus and came with a tight deadline.

I begged off two projects only to get hurt emails back, insisting I help and pointing to some guilt lurking off-stage that got me wincing.

Several years ago I accepted too much paying and non-paying work and paid the price of humiliation and unfinished, promised work. Not wanting to do that again, I gathered up my coaching stamina and skills. . .and stayed up till 3 a.m. for three nights doing everything so people would like me. Damn. Personal growth can be a bitch.

Here’s what I learned. (I hate learning while it’s going on; afterwards, it’s always worthwhile. But when i see a learning experience coming on, I cringe.)

–When people ask me to re-write something,  they think it will take 10 minutes. It doesn’t. It takes 3 hours. When I sweat over it for 3 hours and they tell me I missed the deadline, so they just spiked my email, I stuff down rage. When I open the email request, I send back an email that says, “This will take me 3 hours, and I can get to it next week. Is that all right?” When I get back an email that says, “I thought it would take 10 minutes, I just want you to glance at it and give me advice,” I reply, “Nope, that’s 3 hours. Next week OK?” The key is to stick to the time it will take you and when you can get to it. Let the requester decide if that fits their deadline. If they tell you they need it sooner, you can honestly say you are booked. That’s the point where you started.

–In an ideal world, people get their work done before the deadline. In my world, I get requests to look at this “right away.” If I’m jammed up myself, I make up bad pictures of them thinking I have nothing to do and how inconsiderate is that? In reality, they aren’t thinking of me at all, they are trying to get something done. Back goes an email, “I’m jammed up right now, I can get to this in three days.” You have to stand up for yourself. Without making up ugly stuff about your colleagues. Just stick to the facts.

If you don’t want to do it, simply say “I can’t take this on right now.” You don’t have to offer more explanation. That’s hard, because we want people to like us and tell us it’s all right. But people are not concerned about what we want, they are concerned about what they want. Which is why they don’t care once you’ve said “no.” It’s amazing how well it works

If only I could follow my own advice. Meanwhile, you are free to try it out.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach who is still learning, and plans on making a life out of learning. You can see her work at QuinnCreative.com

Get Ahead by Saying “No”

When the phone call came from a friend, asking me to help chair a massive meeting in April, I told her I was too busy to do a good job. “The busiest people do the most work,” she cajoled. Within 15 minutes, I had agreed to take on a job on a committee. No one was hired as the committee head, and people kept acting as if I were running the committee. I hated to back out, so I plugged ahead, doing a bad job.

It gets worse. I had just joined the organization, and many of my colleagues were doing great jobs as committee heads. My agreeing to do the work resulted in my looking disorganized, lazy, and incompetent.

Taking on Too Much Is a Recipe for Failure
During the same time, I was on the art show tour, doing shows, coming home, creating pieces for inventory, keeping up with special orders and other administrative tasks, running training seminars and keeping up with my creativity and life coaching clients. It was not unusual to log 135 working hours a week.

I love working hard. In accepting the job of the annual meeting, I took on a task I could not accomplish. Without the time, without a committee head, I not only didn’t help, but put a serious dent in my reputation. The reason? I didn’t want to say “no” to a friend who needed help.

A few days later, I saw a book called “The Power of Positive Choices,” by Gail McMeekin. It was the subtitle that interested me: “Adding and Subtracting Your Way to a Great Life.” I picked up the small book and began to page through it.

Find the Idea That Solves A Business Problem
As with most self-help books, there are a number of ideas–some work for me, some don’t. I’m happy if I can find one helpful idea. And I did. It was the idea of subtraction. Normally, when the business needs a boost, I add a notecard or develop another training course or speaking idea. Adding something always results in a lot more work. But more work doesn’t always result in more money.

McMeekin’s book brings up the power of subtraction. “The Power of Subtraction is astounding. When we forcefully say ‘No’ to dysfunctional people, toxic workplaces, limiting beliefs, or unhealthy habits, we open up the space to fill our lives with what we long for.” I decided to apply the power of subtraction to perfectly good ideas–but ideas that were not bringing in a good profit.

To that list I added products that demanded a lot of administrative work for a mimimum profit and teaching gigs that paid next to nothing but promised “a great marketing opportunity.” Often the opportunity was vague or not great for my particular line of business. Once the list was finished, I subtracted those items from my to-do list.

Subtract Time- and Money Drainers
The day I created my “subtraction” list, I got a phone call from a church group who wanted me to run my creativity seminar for less than half of my usual fee. “Our group is really worthy,” the events director said. “And if this one works well, we may be able to afford your full fee in the fall.” I was about to agree–after all, how can I turn down a spiritual group whose only fault is a cash pinch. Haven’t I had that problem, too?

Wrong line of thinking. Better line: Could I afford to run the seminar at a loss? Running it at the price they offered would not cover my expenses, particularly not if I had to bring the art supplies needed for the seminar. And what were the consequences? Once I taught this course at a loss, could I realistically teach it again at my normal price, which would be more than twice the original church rate? Even if I did that, I would teach 16 hours and earn $200, less the cost of the supplies for the first class. That put me right at minimum wage.

Was the increased cost for the second course fair to the second group, whose only fault had been missing the first, cheaper, course? And would the group really come back in the fall and say, “We loved your seminar so much, we will gladly encourage you to charge more than twice as much for this session.” Probably not.

The Power of Subtraction
I turned the seminar down. I listened as the event director tried to praise me into the job, then, that failing, to shame me into it. I kept my business priorities in place, and instead of trying to make her understand, I just kept politely refusing. She needed to fill a space in her events calendar, and I need to make a living. Those two facts weren’t adding up to me agreeing to a low-cost seminar.

Subtracting is a wonderful exercise. Look at what isn’t making money. Instead of pumping money into it, think about the pros and cons of subtracting it. Use the time for marketing your products that are already successful. Often, it’s a quick was to saving time and money.

–(c) 2007 All rights reserved. Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach who helps people select and meet their goals. She specializes in transitions and re-inventing careers. Visit her website at QuinnCreative.com

Image: thisisyourbank.com