Losing Chocolate

Six weeks ago, I gave up eating chocolate. Now, that’s sort of like saying “six weeks ago I quit breathing.” I expected the same results. An avowed dark chocolate lover since age 5, I don’t remember a time of more than a week when I didn’t have chocolate. I ate some almost every day. Our relationship was satisfying.

Our relationship was also calorie-rich. So, almost on a whim, I didn’t buy any more replacement chocolate, and when it ran out, I thought, “Let’s see how long I last.” I thought it would be about 2 hours. One day stretched into two, and then into a week.

images4.jpegA wonderful idea crept into my brain. If I stopped eating chocolate, I’d lose weight. After all, if you stop eating 300 calories a day, and a pound contains 3,500 calories, so in about 10 days, I should lose a pound. And in a month, three. What a great idea! I was already walking briskly every morning, the combination would have me slimmed down in no time. Fueled with enthusiasm, I gave up cookies, too. The only thing I substituted for cookies and chocolate was sugar-free gum.

In six weeks I have not lost an ounce. I can’t explain it. I can’t understand it. It seems needlessly cruel to put myself though this without the reward. And yet, secretly, I know, if I so much as eat one piece of chocolate, I’ll start gaining weight.

Some of my friends tried to tell me that I was substituting muscle for fat, but I don’t believe it. I was already walking, had been for months, so there is no muscle development. It’s some sort of cruel joke on those of us who are generously proportioned.

But I still have hope. Maybe, one day, I’ll be walking down the street, and all the fat will jump off all at once. Suddenly, my pants will be way too big. It’s just waiting for the right moment to disappear. Sure. That’s it.

–Quinn McDonald owns QuinnCreative and offers training in business communications, seminars in journal writing, and life- and creativity coaching. (c) 2007. All rights reserved.

6 thoughts on “Losing Chocolate

  1. You DID lose weight. Unfortunately when you gave up chocolate it so fundamentally altered the nature of the universe that you lost weight because of a change in the gravitational constant. So everything else lost weight too, and scales, which were also affected, still point to the same place on the dial.

    This is similar to the effect of the expansion of the universe — it affects everything, even the matter we’re made of. The real reason time travel is impossible is that we’re now much larger and no longer fit into the past. And if we visited the future we’d fall between the cracks.

  2. Mindy and Apsinthisum–
    The odd thing was, as long as I thought I’d lose weight, I didn’t mind giving up the chocolate.
    Now that I haven’t lost an ounce, I want it baaaaaack! But I’m afraid I’ll start gaining weight again, and I don’t want that.
    But I want my chocolate!

  3. Oh, you are strong! Even having to watch my sugar I can’t force myself to give up chocolate. I have found if you do the really, really high cocoa content ones that sometimes you can get away with only 11g of carbs/serving and then if you eat half that, you’re hardly cheating at all. Unsweet chocolate soymilk works good in coffee too — no carbs, no sugar.

    But I think if you’re eating healthy and exercising, you’re doing just fine. Hey, you’re fit enough to ride a motorcycle so I bet you look great!

  4. Even after being tested for food allergies which I suddenly developed from out of nowhere, I still went on cheating. You are far more strong-willed than I!

  5. Yeh right! and you will manage to squeeze yourself into a slinky little black strappy number and maybe sprout wings to fly you to Paris in Spring………….Siiiiighhhh!

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