Sometime in our life, we take on a character–just like in a novel. “I’m the black sheep of the family,” we explain. Or, “Yeah, I’m the family historian,” or even, “We’d never have family reunions without me. I love organizing them.” Those descriptions are true, in the moment. It gets a bit stickier if we believe them too much ourselves.
It’s a small step from having done some daring things in the past to thinking of ourselves as the black sheep of the family who will never amount to anything.
In the novel of our lives, the hero will come around and fix us and save us, generally just in time to live happily ever after. In real life, we keep choosing ways to not amount to anything so we can continue to be the black sheep and. . . keep repeating the same mistakes, bad choices, and foiling anyone who wants to help us.
The trouble with living life as a novel is that a novel ends because everything is resolved. If we resolve our lives, there is nothing left to do. So we avoid resolving or changing, often waiting for the hero to do the job that is ours to do.
And should the hero show up, well, we go to the beginning of the novel and start over, proving we are the black sheep. When the real life hero decides that life needs more balance than a one-way struggle to re-engineer a dedicated black sheep, it’s easy to decide it’s the wrong hero.
We can live an entire life making everyone else wrong while we dedicate ourselves to the label we don’t need. We all have a choice of the reality we want to live. We can create the reality that sheds labels and makes us. . .responsible for who we want to be. Yep. The hero you are waiting for is you.
It’s a big world. You don’t have to live the old reality. You can walk out of that novel and look where you want to go. Then head in that direction.
What if others try to stick that label back on you? That’s their reality. You are just walking through it. Choose your own reality. Live it to the fullest.
––Quinn McDonald is cheered by what she experienced last week on Madeline Island. She’s looking where she wants to go.
You may have just put every psychologist in the country out of work. Or even the world, if we all diligently spread and share this important message. Thanks again Quinn for your insight and for sharing it.
I need to work on it some more, it’s still a bit twisty to express. I’m glad you understood what I meant.
It was finding that hero within (although I didn’t call it that) that helped me reframe the label “Jack of all trades master of none” into a powerful echo of “I’m a versatile woman who is damn good at some” every time I hear the chant from down the memory-line. It was so empowering, like wearing armour!
There are some labels we believe that are hard to shake . . . it’s just as well we can have ready access to a hero (and she’s getting stronger).
We have access to many heroes and can re-write them as needed. Unfortunately, the Inner Critic also has a keyboard. . .
Well, Wendy IS damn good at some. Are you?
Drats, Quinn, you were right. She has a keyboard too.
And she is a faster typist than I am and gets here first!
Off to talk her into it. I´m damn good at … well, ok, good at … right, a bit decent? It might take some time.
Yes! Damn good at . . . . Finish the sentence please Paula! The IC should NEVER have the last word. 🙂
And is a super fast typist.
The IC gets far too much access to my brain, and has a megaphone right in my ear and sometimes even pops up in dreams! I say thanks for letting me know what I need to work on and look for the hero to help. My hero is no namby-pamby-poor-you-let-me-make-it-better-hero has no sympathy for some of my misguided beliefs . . . she cannot understand why I give credit to the odious IC because evidence to contrary (of what it has being saying) is all around me if I just look in the right place. The right place is where the hero guides me . . . I just need to listen.
And my hero has colleagues? There’re others there? An army of heroes! Maybe this is just the spokes-hero for the others? I wonder if the others the strong silent types. I want to know more about them so bring on the book! Or maybe I just need to listen harder?
There are, indeed, a panoply of heroes. Each an expert in something you are good at. And very good at creating a conversation with the inner critic. It takes a while, though.
Awesome reframing! Let´s see if I can get it past my IC. 😉
I had so hoped to join you on the island last week. This post is a continuation of a message that keeps coming to me from all over my life, that I need to keep hearing. Thanks.
We keep hearing a message until we understand it.
Wow Quinn, were you reading my mind? I have decided to move back to Texas, and that involves in re-inventing the person that I want to be there (not the person that I was when I left Dallas 15 years ago…) I need to make a book review of my life and decide which character I want to be when I grow up!
And you’ll have to do a lot of plot development! It will be interesting to see who else shows up for this adventure!